Never one to disparage any present left by Bikini Claus under my virtual blogger tree, I have to admit there are some virtually unwrapped gifts who bring a larger smile to my face than others. After scrolling through a wasteland of non-bikini “Miley Cyrus arrives in France” and “Jennifer Garner Takes Violet Shopping!” images, my eyes lit up like a schoolgirl getting her first iPhone when I saw the wigged wonder herself, Kim Zolciak, hanging out poolside – her Zolciakness barely contained in a tiny aqua and lace two-piece!
The Real Mistress of Atlanta showed off Big Papa’s Big Tatas while relaxing with her daughter, Brielle, in Miami yesterday. Never one to distance herself from an alcoholic beverage, America’s favorite outspoken female transvestite could be seen toting up to two drinks at a time while chatting on her cell phone, probably offering her negative opinions of RHONYC‘s Countess LuAnn de Lesseps’ debut single “Money Can’t Buy You Class” to her biggest fan, Andy Cohen, who I’m sure asked her if she was wearing a “She-kini by Sheree.”
One thing noticeably absent in the photos is Kim’s other infamous accessory – her cigarettes. Could it be that her Season 2 meeting with Michael Lohan actually was about some sort of smokeless device? Either way, it’s good to see her lungs catching a break. I’m sure her liver is jealous.
All joking aside, Kimmy-Z is looking mighty fine! She won’t be going into business making Skinny Girl margaritas with Bethenny Frankel any time soon, and Playboy probably won’t be following up their successful Kelly Bensimon Housewife experiment with a Zolciak cover and spread, but Kim’s kept that stripper strip club waitress body in good shape! It’s an attractive, natural context in which to show off her store-bought hair and hooters.
Here are lots more of Kim, her daughter Brielle, her booze and her boobs:
Oh thank you, thank you, thank you Bikini Claus!!! If I’m really, really, really good do you think I could get Tina Fey next time?
Photos: Fame Pictures
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