CELEBITCHY – Drake confirms on his new album Scorpion that he has a son after all. This is something we’ve all known since Pusha spilled his tea during their feud last month (and that we’ve all suspected thanks to tabloid reporting for months before that). But now Drake gets to market his hidden son on his own terms, so, good for him?
THE BLEMISH – Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx, who were never officially dating in the first place, are now officially broken up. Apparently Jamie wanted to keep their love a secret even after Katie’s contract with Tom Cruise — yep! — expired and they could finally go public
VOX – America has a 1.39 billion-pound cheese surplus. How much cheese is that? This much: “There’s enough excess cheese to arm each American citizen with a hefty 4.6 pounds of the crumbly, melty, salty good stuff.” Where do we form the line
JEZEBEL – If you’ve ever struggled with depression or anxiety and worried that needing to focus on that struggle made you a selfish person, read this essay
DLISTED – I’m not saying I knew that the song “Electric Slide” was about a vibrator, because I totally didn’t. I’m just saying that when you hear the words “‘Electric Slide’ is about a vibrator,” you respond “Ohhh, of course it is, how did no one see this before now”
LAINEY GOSSIP – Here’s a photo gallery of Gwen Stefani looking radiant and Blake Shelton looking rumpled at the premiere of her Las Vegas residency to help you get ready for the next round of hot gossip about their alleged pending marriage and / or pregnancy
REALITY TEA – Dorinda Medley went on Watch What Happens Live to talk about the cast’s ongoing feud with Bethenny Frankel, Ramona’s wine glass pic after Luann de Lesseps got out of rehab — and more!
VERY SMART BROTHAS – “10 Things Easier to Comprehend Than Household Income of $117,000 Being Considered Low-Income in the Bay Area”
PAJIBA – You will find this montage of a dog being surprised by its owner’s farts either hilarious or maddeningly dumb, so consider it a personality test and give it a look
THE BLAST – Paul Teutul Sr.’s bankruptcy woes continue — the American Chopper star had to sell off his classic car collection to keep his business afloat
(Photo credits: Drake has a son via Splash News)
John Sharp is a Starcasm editor. E-mail tips to firstname.lastname@example.org or send on Twitter at @john_starcasm.