Woman calls police to complain that her meth might be laced, asks not to get arrested, gets arrested

54-year-old Lynette Rae Sampson is in police custody after calling the authorities to tell them she thought someone had laced the crystal meth she was smoking.

The Enid, Oklahoma resident forgot one of the finer points of customer service in the drug business: namely, that the police aren’t interested in helping you out.

Upon Officer Aaron Barber’s arrival at her apartment, Sampson greeted her with a hearty, “I’m glad you came.”

She then pointed him in the direction of a tin container she had on the counter, which contained Sampson’s “ice.”

When Barber asked about the hollowed-out light bulb filled with white resin, Sampson confirmed that, yes, she had in fact been smoking meth out of the bulb. And, yes, that white resin was meth residue.

Capping the sequence of events off, Sampson further showed Barber two bags of meth. When he asked what they were, Sampson told him, “Just quarters.”

(Pro tip for users: trying to play it like your drugs are no big deal by putting a “Just” in front of the acknowledgement probably isn’t going to work. Officer: “What’s that you’ve got in your hand there, Murder Suspect?” Suspect: “Just a bloody hatchet.”)

After Sampson began sweating and hallucinating, she asked Barber not to arrest her. Barber, being a decent policeman, did, in fact, arrest her.

She faces a minimum of two years in prison and a $5,000 fine for one felony charge of meth possession, and one misdemeanor charge of unlawful possession of drug paraphernalia.

Enid Police Captain Jack Morris was both surprised and disappointed by the incident:

“Once you think you’ve seen it all, something new will surprise you. It’s sad people who utilize these drugs don’t realize how it effects them, and what they can do to you.”