Full Monica Lewinsky sex tape with Bill Clinton released

It’s time for all of us to take a journey back to the late 1990s, back to a more righteous time before the proliferation of reality television — back when a “sex tape” was basically just aggressive breathy phone flirting. The full Monica Lewinsky “$ex tape” with then President Bill Clinton has been released in its entirety and we’ve got the full audio for you right here!

 
It’s just too bad Monica missed out on all the opportunities she most certainly would have had today! She probably would have signed with Gina Rodriguez (manager of Farrah Abraham, Tan Mom and Anthony Weiner’s sextress Sydney Leathers among others) and would have been filming in the studio at Vivid Entertainment with a Bill Clinton look-alike within 24 hours!

(Curious what Monica Lewinsky is up to now? Be sure to check our “Where Are They Now: Monica Lewinsky” post!)

Here’s the full transcript of the tape:

Hi, handsome.

I couldn’t bear the idea of sitting down to write you another note.

So I thought I would tape it, I hope that’s ok. When I spoke to (Clinton’s secretary) Betty (Currie) yesterday, she told me that she thought you were leaving too early Saturday morning for me to sneak over for just 15 minutes. So since I know you will be along tomorrow evening, I have two proposals for you, neither of which is you not seeing me.

So just deal with it!

Now the first thing that has to happen is that you need to pre-plan with Betty that you will leave the office at, I don’t know, at 7, 7:30 so that everyone else who hates me that causes me lots of trouble goes home.

Then you quickly sneak back and then in the meantime I quickly sneak over and then we can have a nice little visit for, you know, 15 minutes or half an hour. Whatever you want.

But I would really, really, really, really, really like that and appreciate it, especially since everything that happened last week. Because last Thursday was an absolute nightmare, um, and I really don’t want to go through that again, and I want to see you, but 60 seconds was just not enough – even though you did look very handsome.

And my other proposal, you have to remember that two years ago you had told me that I could bump into you and a group of your friends when you were going to the movies.

And I then decided not to because some of your staff was going to be there, and I didn’t think it was going to be a good idea. Little did I know at the point it really didn’t matter. I should have just gone ahead and done it anyway.

So what I was thinking is that you could make that up to me.

And maybe we could go over and watch a movie together and just have kind of, I don’t know, boxed dinners or something like that.

And then that way we don’t have to deal with the problem of me…of there being a record of me going upstairs and we can spend some time together and see a good movie.

So I don’t know, those are two proposals and you can’t refuse me because I’m too cute and adorable and soon I won’t be here anymore to pop over.

I’m hoping you will hear this and you will choose which one you want to do and go tell Betty and then she can call me and let me know so I don’t have to stress out all day and I don’t have to call her every two hours and bug her because, I know you will find this very hard to believe, but I can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

I’m very persistent, but um…I really want to see you.

And that’s that, so I don’t know…this is fun talking on a tape.

I could take all my clothes off and start…well…I know you wouldn’t enjoy that?

But, I hope to see you later, and I hope you will just follow my script and do what I want.

Because that will make me very happy and that is something I haven’t been in a while.

I hope to see you later and we can ‘tawlk’ about cawfee and dawgs. I don’t know if you ever watch “Saturday Night Live,” but that is what it’s from.

Ok, enough talking your ear off, I’ll see you later.

Bye.