The 16th season of The Bachelor premieres January 2, 2012 on ABC and will feature Ben Flajnik, a 28-year-old winemaker from California, as he hopes to find love among 25 beautiful single women from around the world! For the last couple months we’ve been profiling all the contestants on the upcoming season, with all sorts of photos, links, and background info.
So here are links to each of the ladies with our “pro,” “con” and “heterosexual dude notes” for each! Just click on the images to see the full profiles and get completely caught up on Ben Flajnik’s harem of courters!
23-year-old nurse from British Columbia
Pro: Last name is Bacon.
Con: She’s from British Columbia so it’s technically Canadian Bacon.
Heterosexual dude notes: My first impression tells me Amber is loud. Not necessarily a bad thing, it all depends on if she’s smart and funny. She’s a maternity nurse, and that probably means she has a fondness for babies. Once again, not necessarily a bad thing, it just depends on what Ben is looking for. Her most romantic gift was a mix CD? At least she should be easy to impress.
28-year-old critical care nurse from Waverly, Nebraska
Pro: Amber is from Nebraska and for some reason that sounds like fun to me! (Who doesn’t like a nice roll in the hay?)
Con: Critical care nurse? Something tells me that’s going to be a hard sales pitch for the perpetually upbeat Ben.
Heterosexual dude notes: Does anyone else get the first impression that Amber T is a bit of a badass? She’s lookin’ tough in these photos! She looks like the kind of gal that has given more than one drunk jerk a black eye.
25-year-old student from Canada
Pro: Who wouldn’t want to cuddle up with a snowball?
Con: Wiat, I think I got that wrong. Who would want to cuddle up with a snowball?!? And a Canadian one at that! Those are probably extra cold!
Heterosexual dude notes: I don’t think I’m a fan of the poofy blowback hairdo – but that’s just a matter of personal preference so we’ll have to see what Ben Flajnik thinks. (She looks much better in the extra photos in the profile post btw.)
34-year-old VIP cocktail waitress from North Carolina
Pro: Blakeley is a professional hottie, and as far as the stereotypical criteria go, the sexiest woman in the competition.
Con: Blakeley is a professional hottie, and as far as the stereotypical criteria go, the sexiest woman in the competition. That usually either means she’s not going to really be that serious about the competition or else she’s going to be T-R-O-U-B-L-E! (Or both)
Heterosexual dude notes: I’m sure ABC struck a deal with Ben early on that whether he liked Blakeley or not he would keep her around until they have some sort of bikini date / photo shoot. (See: Michelle Money) And don’t take that as curmudgeonry because I CANNOT WAIT!
26-year-old medical sales rep from Colorado Springs
Pro: There just isn’t much info on Brittney, so I suppose the pro would have to be that she does seem like a very attractive young lady. (Lame, I know.)
Con: A blond girl in her 20s named Brittney – I’m thinking that could be a tough obstacle for some. (I wonder how many awkward moments she’s had in the bedroom and her significant other responded with “Oops, I did it again!”)
Heterosexual dude notes: For some unknown reason it appears as though Brittney is trying to hide the fact that she is very gifted in the area of breastrulescence. What’s that all about? You know what they say, “If you got it…” Plus, Brittney comes attached to her grandma Sheryl, which can be a pretty serious buzzkill for heterosexual dude.
UPDATE – Britney DOES have it and she HAS flaunted it! Thanks to a tip from a commenter we were able to find out Brittney’s last name which in turn led us to some rather glorious bikini photos!
26-year-old trading clerk from Kansas
Pro: There’s just something about the last name “Shteamer” that screams innuendo.
Con: Ummmm. I got nothing. Could we have an early favorite here?
Heterosexual dude notes: That there is a 100% all-American Midwestern cutie pie! I think if I ran into Casey at a bar and was lucky enough to get an introduction and she revealed to me that her name was Casey Shteamer… What’s a manly word for smitten?
28-year-old professional model from Scottsdale, Arizona
Pro: Courtney is an actual model as opposed to an aspiring one, and it’s obvious why.
Con: Professional models always seem to be a red flag on The Bachelor with nine out of ten of them being there “for the wrong reasons.”
Heterosexual dude notes: Courtney is gorgeous without being a generic sex pot. But, after studying her behind closely in the skinny dipping preview clip, I’m beginning to think she may be the “make the other girls jealous with my aggressive sexuality” villain ABC always seems to include. (See: Michelle Money again) Wait, that wasn’t a heterosexual dude note, that was a Bachelor fan note! Completely different!
30-year-old non-profit director from California
Pro: Attractive non-profit director… I like the sound of that!
Con: Claims to have started five kitchen fires. I’m all about having someone light my fire, but I’d prefer to not lose my house when that happens!
Heterosexual dude notes: This is totally not based on anything other than first impressions from the photo, but I kinda get the vibe Dianna is someone you don’t wanna cross. Like, seriously.
24-year-old personal trainer originally from Chicago
Pro: Elyse is a personal trainer with a degree in exercise physiology. Healthy is always a pro!
Con: Ben Flajnik doesn’t seem to be all that obsessed with personal fitness so he could be put off by someone healthier (and potentially stronger!) than he is.
Heterosexual dude notes: I’m in love. The only potential drawback is that (due to their low body fat?) a good number of really fit attractive women do elect to have breast implants (or at least the ones that go on reality shows do), and that’s just not my thing.
27-year-old doctoral student at UNC
Pro: Healthy is always a pro, and so is smart. Her favorite all-time book is East of Eden for goodness sake!
Con: As far as Ben Flajnik goes, I think Emily is going to be a little bit too intimidating in the brains department.
Heterosexual dude notes: Oh man – a gorgeous doctoral student at UNC? This smarty pants loving tarheel fan has his favorite Bachelor contestant! (How many attractive blond Bachelor contestants are we going to get from North Carolina? (See: Emily Maynard) Ommmm nommm nommm!
23-year-old beauty queen and reigning Miss Chicago 2011
Pro: Jazz violin is great (I’m a huge Stéphane Grappelli fan myself) but what I’m thinking is that any gal who was formerly a contestant in the Miss Virginia pageant who plays jazz violin has to be able to play bluegrass too! Man – that girl in that bikini gettin’ down on some Orange Blossom Special? I don’t think the word “pro” would do that justice.
Con: 23 seems a little young for Ben, who is 28. And I suppose we need to include that orange shirt she’s wearing in the official ABC photos here, too. (Short-sleeved, frilly, tangerine colored, satiny turtleneck shirts are just not flattering.)
Heterosexual dude notes: This is a no-brainer, which is a good thing because “heterosexual dude” is not know for his intellectual insights. Erika is poised, smart, and talented – but of course all of that is moot. She looks amazing strutting a stage in a bikini and high heels, that’s enough for me to do any number of stupid, life-wrecking things.
34-year-old pharmaceutical sales rep from Salyersville, Kentucky
Pro: Kentucky gal who hopefully has a thick Kentucky accent to match!
Con: I’m going to go way out on a limb here and say, completely based on her official ABC photo, that Holly laughs REALLY loud. (Anybody else gettin’ that vibe?)
Heterosexual dude notes: Frilly shirts are like lead for this heterosexual dude’s x-ray vision, but I think I can still make out an amazing figure under there!
27-year-old advertising account manager for CBSSports.com
Pro: Works at CBS Sports!
Con: The only photo of Jaclyn we have is the official ABC studio shot which, unfortunately for Jaclyn, isn’t very flattering.
Heterosexual dude notes: It would be hard to pass on a gal working for CBS Sports in New York City! That probably equates to year-round box seats for every sport!
25-year-old registered nurse from Cortland, New York
Pro: Are those black leather shorts in her official ABC studio portrait? I think so!
Con: I’m not really sure if this is a con, but Jamie was third runner up in the 2011 New York Perfect Miss pageant, earning her the title of 6th Avenue’s Perfect Miss.
Heterosexual dude notes: Jamie’s looking pretty good, especially in the “Jamie meets Ben Flajnik” photo below, but for me a girl that lists “Danielle Steele or Nora Roberts” as her favorite author is a serious red flag.
27-year-old blogger from Loveland, Ohio
Pro: She’s a blogger!
Con: There sure seems to be a lot more blue at the top of her ABC studio portrait, which could mean she’s a little shorter than the rest. (Obviously not a major “con” per se, just pointing it out. We don’t have a lot of information on Jenna so I don’t have a lot to work with here!) (Actually, in the photo where she meets Ben Flajnik for the first time in episode one, Jenna doesn’t seem short at all. Hmmmm.)
Heterosexual dude Fellow blogger notes: Jenna better represent blogger nation well! (Of course, all of this is moot if she runs a Twilight blog. She lists The Unbearable Lightness of Being as her favorite book, so I’m guessing that won’t be the case.) UPDATE – We found out what Jenna’s blog is! Just click her photo to find out!
28-year-old accountant from Cache, Oklahoma
Pro: Who wouldn’t want to marry an accountant? Especially if you just came into a large sum of money thanks to your recent appearance on a network reality show!
Con: Who wants to marry an accountant? 🙂
Heterosexual dude notes: Judging solely on these photos from ABC I get the impression Jennifer is a bit more mature than the average contestant, which would seem right in line with someone who is a professional accountant. Oh, and I’m a sucker for red hair, so I think Jennifer might make it in my pre-season Top 5!
24-year-old baton twirling administrative assistant from Knoxville, Tennessee
Pro: Very familiar with handling stiff rods
Con: During the process of writing this post I’ve developed a bit of a crush on Kacie, so I don’t have much for the ol’ “con” section. Maybe that “Boguskie” is kind of goofy? (Though not too much worse than Flajnik)
Heterosexual dude notes: Me (in an alternate reality): “Gee Kacie, this is a really nice place you have here.” Kacie: “Thanks!” Me: “Is this you in this photo twirling baton?” Kacie: “Yeah that’s me. You know, I’ve still got that costume here somewhere. You want me to see if it still fits?” Me: ***swoon*** (It’s generic I know, but this is “heterosexual dude” remember.)
27-year old business development manager (and horse lover/rider) from Renton, Washington
Pro: I’m willing to admit it was pretty sexy seeing Lindzi ride in on that horse! I swear I would have been tempted to hop right back up there with her, ride off into the sunset, and call it a season!
Con: Sometimes horse lovin’ gals don’t have much patience for guys. (We kinda suck by comparison)
Heterosexual dude notes: Lindzi is super fine and [insert riding sweaty beast innuendo here]! I think I might have another entry into my first impressions Top Five list!
LYNDSIE LOU JAMES
29-year-old internet personality
Pro: British accents are kinda sexy. Also, sexy blonds are kinda sexy. (Oh, and if that isn’t a butt double in that intro clip above we can add a mighty fine Lyndsie Loukadonk to the pros list!)
Con: Although I can’t attest to this from personal experience, I assume the sexiness of an accent will wear off pretty quick.
Heterosexual dude notes: Her Lyndsie Lou persona is a little over the top, but the real Lyndsie James behind it seems like a smart gal with a good sense of humor and what appears to be an amazing figure. Where is that bikini photo?!? Somebody help a blogger out! (UPDATE – Somebody did help a blogger out! Click Lyndsie’s photo for a not-so-revealing bikini photo of her. Hey, it’s the best we could do!)
33-year-old dental consultant from Salt Lake City, Utah
Pro: Monica is all but guaranteed to have clean, healthy, and extremely white teeth!
Con: Has appraently changed her last name, so she could have some ex-husband baggage. (Or could it be that she has a tragic story similar to Emily Maynard?)
Heterosexual dude notes: Monica reportedly makes out with fellow contestant Blakeley Shea. What heterosexual dude doesn’t like a gal who’s into kissin’ gals?!? Sorry, but it’s true.
26-year-old dental student and divorcee from Hurst, Texas
Pro: I love a girl who loves a good time – especially when she has a dental hygeinist’s smile!
Con: Grrrrrr!! Official ABC portrait frilly shirt! Stop the madness!
Heterosexual dude notes: What can I say? If there were a Heterosexual Dude magazine, Nicki Sterling would be the cover girl. She is super fine, likes to party from a can, and will soon be able to pay for her own meals. That’s what our magazine calls “The Trifecta!” (The divorce is a small red flag, but I’m guessing we’re going to find out the guy was a jerk.)
27-year-old sales rep working in New York
Pro: Call me a sucker, but Rachel’s last name has me thinking fairy tales and Kasey Kahl tattoos! She seems to be a perfect companion for Prince Charming Ben Flajnik! (And if not Mrs. Flajnik, can you say Bachelorette?)
Con: Ben Flajnik might not be so enamored by fairy tale romance surnames.
Heterosexual dude notes: I’m telling you – that name and that face has me wanting to put on armor, mount a horse and risk my life jousting for her honor! I think I might even considering changing my name when we marry – Asa Truehart. I like it!
26-year-old advertising account manager (and current Miss Pacific Palisades 2011) originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Pro: Judging from Samantha’s photos, her pageant experience has given her tons of self confidence! Something tells me she won’t be going home because she was a wallflower Ben hardly noticed!
Con: That very same over-abundance of self confidence could be a bit much for the rather sedate and mellow Ben.
Heterosexual dude notes: What can I say? Samantha is the kind of woman a heterosexual dude would get into a LOT of trouble for. More than once.
28-year-old Wells Fargo financial adviser and former collegiate soccer player from Cincinnati, Ohio
Pro: Shawn is athletic, intelligent, has money, and knows what to do with it. What’s not to like?
Con: It should be interesting to see how Ben Flajnik reacts when Shawn tells him she has a five-year-old son at home.
Heterosexual dude notes: I’m a fan of college sports and attractive women and money – so Shawn scores well on her bar talk resume. I would have to slam on the hop in the sack brakes with the kid though. That’s some serious stuff – but shouldn’t be a deal breaker for any guy seriously looking for a relationship. (My man brain says “oof” to that Oriental print silk one-shouldered muumuu thing. That is just plain put-offishly unappealing.)
Grandmother of contestant Brittney Schreiner and the first out of the limo to meet Ben Flajnik in the premiere
Pro: Sheryl’s brings a wealth of life experiences to the table, and I hear she makes really great cookies.
Con: There’s nothing meaner than a cougar cub so if Ben chooses Sheryl over Brittney there’s sure to be some fireworks and a possible eye gouging!
Heterosexual dude notes: Whenever I’m at the bar gettin’ my Golden Girls on I usually tend toward the Rue McClanahan or Betty White type and Sheryl seems to be a more feminine version of Bea Arthur, not that there’s anything wrong with that!
SHIRA SCOTT ASTROF
31-year-old actress from Massapequa Park, New York
Pro: Attractive actress who appeared on The Office? I’m on one knee typing this!
Con: Why in the world would an attractive young woman wear a brown satiny potato sack dress for her official portrait?
Heterosexual dude notes: Shira filmed her episode of The Office in 2007, which means she was a 27-year-old playing the role of a high school student – and it was believable. At that rate, she’ll look 29 when she’s 47! Plus, oooooooo she’s a cute little thang!