CELEBITCHY – Maya Hawke’s Nylon cover story features the 21-year-old daughter of Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke “mourning for her life” and feeling like her parents’ generation “really f*cked us” by having everything “so easy” and ruining the planet as a result. Other than baby boomers needing an ample share of the blame, show me the lie
REALITY TEA – RHOC star Kelly Dodd backtracked pretty hard with her apology for saying the coronavirus (and swine flu and other pandemics) are just “God’s way of thinning the herd”
VOX – On that note, here’s a helpful reminder, in case you, like certain state governors, forgot this important coronavirus-related detail: People can be asymptomatic and still carry (and spread!) coronavirus around like a tick in an unchecked skin fold
JEZEBEL – These are my favorite shots of Kylie Jenner in some years, not least of all because they look just as close to the “real,” unmade-up Kylie Jenner as Kylie’s made-up social media pics (if on the other end of the glamour spectrum)
LAINEY GOSSIP – Lady Gaga has pushed back the release of her new album indefinitely in order to focus her efforts on raising money for coronavirus relief, and good on her for that. But the delay has resulted in several leaks, including the tracklist, collaborators, and some alleged (and now-failed) promotional attempts
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – “Flipping Out Star Jeff Lewis Responds to Ex Gage Edward’s Instagram Live Comments: Says Gage Seemed Sad, Lonely & Lost”
GO FUG YOURSELF – “Reese, first, thank you for wearing the hell out of your mask, being the change we wish to see, etc. You get it. But I need to know something: How are you wearing that with sunglasses? One wan exhale from me, and mine fogs up like I’m in a sauna”
DLISTED – Jameela Jamil would like to apologize for being a lot, and also to assure her fans, haters, and other followers that yes, she knows she “looks like the enemy” but that she’s still trying to fight for goodness in the world
THE BLEMISH – The man who wrote Back to the Future has an explanation for the part of the movie everyone thinks is a plot hole, and while it isn’t as satisfying as a clever zinger that shuts down all conversation, it does make a certain amount of sense
THE BLAST – Coronavirus is making Lisa Marie Presley, just like everyone else, wait for something she really really wants to happen. In Lisa’s case, it’s her ongoing legal battle over Elvis’ $100 million fortune — and honestly, that figure seems low given that we’re talking about Elvis?
(Photo credits: Maya Hawke’s Nylon cover via Nylon)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or Twitter @john_starcasm.