Jill Dillard, seen above definitely getting ready to bang her husband in the woods, has posted a long list of tips on spicing up your marriage to her family’s blog. It’s entitled “More Than Sex: How To Love Your Husband,” but Jill knows good SEO and worthwhile tabloid fodder as well as any other reality star. So the very first item of Jill Dillard’s sex tips (there are 39 in total) is indeed about sex:
-Have sex often! You both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start. lol). And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re aways [sic] available. Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone. Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting! (Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Corinthians 7:5) If you’re struggling with sex with your spouse, GET HELP! See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions!
Jill’s gentle euphemisms (“other ways to have fun” is such a polite way to say “butt stuff”) and the simple fact of her reputation obscure a surprising point. If you boil this paragraph down to its most basic stuff — “Sex is healthy and communication is important” — it’s not bad advice! You have to throw away the part where she advises against masturbation, but still! That part of it isn’t complicated, and it doesn’t need to be. There can’t be a counselor in the world who would disagree.
Except that there are 38 other points on the list of Jill Dillard’s sex tips, and it’s difficult to square what you’re getting in point #1 with with the subservient stuff that comes after. Among that stuff: go out of your way to praise your husband in front of other people; “ask [your husband] in what other ways that he thinks you could show him more respect”; drink coffee in the afternoon so you can stay awake while he talks to you at the end of the day; put on “fragrant lotion” in front of him every night. Plus, as The Ashley has pointed out, being “always available” means submitting to your husband’s will regardless of your own energy level or mood.
And how do you read these two sentences back-to-back — “Look for ways to encourage your hubby, serve him and meet his needs. (God creates us all with a desire to be wanted!)” — as anything other than a cry for help? Being “wanted” doesn’t only refer to sexual desire; it can just as easily mean being listened to and agreed with. As in, “Right now, it’s God’s desire that my presence in the bathtub not be interpreted as a come-on; kindly re-hitch your pants around your waist and close the door on your way out.” (FYI: Yes, the boldface is in the original.)
So it’s probably not surprising that the complete list reads like it was written in the 1950s. My first thought was of the Gilmore Girls episode where Dean makes a rude comment about housewives and Rory cooks him dinner while method acting as Donna Reed to make a point about systemic sexism. But on the other hand, maybe we should all be paying closer attention to Jill’s advice. Who knows more about making sex fun than someone who has to have it with Derick Dillard?
(Photo credits: Jill Dillard’s sex tips via Instagram)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or Twitter @john_starcasm.