LAINEY GOSSIP – We’re back on Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt again, thanks to Brad’s unexpected new comments about he and Jen’s SAG Awards encounter. Brad went and extended this surprise narrative by claiming, among other things, that he was “blissfully naïve” about being filmed watch her accept her award and photographing the two of them greeting each other when she came offstage
CELEBITCHY – Speaking of naïve, Thomas Markle is profoundly so in the very best case. In his latest interview, he said that both the royal family and Meghan and Harry “owe him” because he’s in his “senior years now” and “it’s time to look after Daddy.” Don’t try to make sense of it; you’ll get a headache
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – RIP: A week after his hospitalization due to a suspected overdose, former Bachelor contestant Tyler Gwozdz has passed away
DLISTED – Evidently a bunch of people thought that James Corden was really driving the car during Carpool Karaoke, but someone saw him filming with Justin Bieber on the street in an immobile car and now the jig is up. I’m less impressed by the level of mock outrage people feel over this and genuinely impressed that it took this long for someone to figure out the car was never moving
VOX – “Republicans complain about the impeachment trial’s lack of new evidence while blocking new evidence”
JEZEBEL – More people should take this advice, myself included
GO FUG YOURSELF – The red carpet at a Cirque du Soleil premiere is my new favorite fashion genre. Honestly it may be the only red carpet fashion I ever pay attention to again. This is like if a B-list celebrity owned the Red Lobster at the nearby mall and invited a bunch of her friends for a grand opening. Debbie Gibson absolutely nails it btw
THE BLEMISH – A Massachusetts woman has been arrested and charged with eight counts of destruction of property after pooping outside a sporting goods store on eight separate occasions. Bonus: there’s a mug shot
REALITY TEA – Lisa Rinna’s husband Harry Hamlin appears to believe that playing a gay character in a movie in 1982 ruined his would-be movie career (though Hamlin also said he doesn’t regret taking the part)
THE BLAST – Sure you didn’t, Wendy — sure you didn’t
(Photo credit: Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt again via Instagram)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail john@starcasm.net or Twitter @john_starcasm.
