Tonight TV viewers will get a TLC crossover of sorts with Welcome To Myrtle Manor becoming Toddlers and T-railers as the ladies of the park compete in the first ever Myrtle Manor Beauty Pageant! I’m not sure what the official title of the winner will be, though I hope they go with simply Miss Myrtle Manor because there is something extremely appropriate about calling the victorious beauty queen simply “Mmm…”
Although most all the ladies came out for the competition, I thought I might narrow down the abundance of babedom to my Top 5 contenders (based on the promotional images made available by TLC). Please note that the results would have been completely different if the fairest of them all (Jared) had entered! But alas, it seems he and Taylor Burt served as the house band and were not participants in the pageant.
5. CHELSEY KELLER
Without Jared competing, that means blonde babe wiener gal Chelsey Keller was the favorite going in. But, I have to say I was a little disappointed in her choice of elegance over flash — this here is a trailer park beauty pageant y’all! That being said, Chelsey sho is perty in pink and can (Mad Lib: verb) my wiener any time!
4. BECKY ROBERTSON
Beauty pageants are all about appearances, and a true beauty queen is going to do whatever it takes to bring home that crown — be it spray tan, flippers, extensions, strategic duct tape, or clothes that enhance your figure. So kudos to Becky and her titty-tasseled t! (Even though now I’m even more concerned about the trouble my beer goggles can get me in to.)
3. JESSICA BURKE
What can I say? A red-headed gal breathing fire wearing a satiny corset top, black hot pants and matching knee-high boots… (I’m getting a little light-headed just typing about it.) How is it possible Jessica is not even in the top 2?!?
2. AMANDA ADAMS
I mentioned above that I was disappointed in Chelsey Keller’s choice of elegant over flashy clothing for a trailer park beauty pageant — the same cannot be said for Amanda Adams’ A+ all-American attire! This Georgia gal was sporting an ultra fun and blinged out wham-bam-thank-you-Uncle-Sam look that turned my love of country into something almost inappropriate!
Those broad’s stripes and bright stars they were perilously tight,
O’er the glam parts we watched were so gallantly heaving.
And rad boots way down there, the boobs bursting up there,
Gave proof through the night that Amanda’s damn fair.
Wait, what’s that? You don’t like Amerikuh? Well surely you couldn’t feel the same way about red polka dots, right? Especially on a sexy teddy!
So how in the world could anyone be more of a trailer park beauty queen than Amanda?!? Like this…
1. ROY BULLARD
That there is what you call an Ultimate Grand Supreme y’all! Yes, I realize Roy wasn’t actually a contestant in the pageant, but this here is my Top 5 list from the Welcome To Myrtle Manor beauty pageant, and that beautiful paisley shirted queen was the Southern Belle of the Ball! That is what I call “Tangulls Gone Wild!” (I will refrain from commenting on his superb microphone handling skills.)
Be sure to check out the entire pageant on Welcome To Myrtle Manor tonight on TLC at 10/9c!