This weekend I was putting together a post on recent reports that The Bachelorette‘s Emily Maynard has gone under the knife for both a nose job and a boob job when I realized a rather startling fact – there are pretty much NO Emily Maynard bikini photos! How is it possible that a contestant on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette has managed to slip through the cracks without participating in one of the most fundamental requirements of both of those jobs?!?
We here at Starcasm are all about making things right, so I packed my virtual bags and set out on an epic quest to bring home what is rightfully ours – pictures of Emily Maynard wearing two pieces of very small fabric!
The journey was surprisingly rough, and to be honest, the payoff wasn’t as grand as I initially anticipated – with the best result being the photo above featuring Emily in a black with white lace two-piece. (The scene lasted all of a split second before Emily jumped in the pool with her suitor) And speaking of jumping in a pool with her suitor, here she is about to basically cliff dive with a couple more suitors in a string bikini that probably wasn’t built to be able contain Emily’s buxomosity while jumping from a cliff!
In talking about Emily’s issues with her self image, and “insider” told Reality Weekly the blonde bombshell “panics when she has to be in a bikini on camera.” Perhaps that’s why it is damned near impossible to find any bikini photos of Emily online!
But, I did say “damned near,” so they do exist – mostly in the form of very brief scenes from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. (Actually, I began to wonder if maybe ABC wasn’t using a body double for some of the swimwear scenes, but I’ve since dismissed that conspiracy theory.) So anyways, peppered throughout this post are all the pictures I could find of Emily in a bikini, and as you can obviously see, she looks FANTASTIC! So, I’m not sure why she is so nervous about it. (Maybe she got a huge tattoo of Brad Womack on her stomach before going on The Bachelor and the ABC graphics guy has to edit it out every time she takes her shirt off? More conspiracy theories!)
Here is a montage featuring the black and white lace swimsuit from above:
There were a number of times the cameras got a great shot of Emily from the neck down (furthering my “body double” conspiracy theory). HEre’s a good example just prior to her “cliff diving” experience:
With this post I hope we have lived up to the standard of success as defined in part in the famous poem in part: “To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better” We certainly appreciate the beauty of Emily Maynard, we’ve found the best bikini photos we could, and before our journey began, about all the internet had in the way of Emily Maynard swimwearage was this heavily pixelated screen grab from Emily’s stint on The Bachelor, so I think we have left the world a bit better as well!
(I tried to track down the episode and get a better quality image to no avail.)
All photos: ABC