CELEBITCHY – Steven Spielberg’s daughter Mikaela has announced she wants a career performing in adult films. Mikaela is 23, so her decision isn’t exactly Reese Witherspoon’s daughter from Big Little Lies announcing she’s auctioning off her virginity to fight climate change. Also, the coverage of Mikaela’s announcement is a bit misleading: she’s told her parents she’ll be “starring in her own solo porn videos,” something that’s hardly uncommon anymore
REALITY TEA – NeNe Leakes is trying to get more of your attention (and to distract you from her boring non-presence on RHOA this season) by claiming she doesn’t “get any sympathy” despite having struggled with personal issues for the past year
THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUP – In addition to apologizing for being a White Lives Matter supporter, Bachelor contestant Victoria Fuller would like to say sorry for her just-resurfaced 2017 DWI arrest. The way the show is now setting her up as this longtime heartbreaker and having other people come on to warn this season’s Bachelor about Victoria makes me think the producers knew all about Victoria’s past. Maybe the vetting for major network reality TV is more thorough than on basic cable
DLISTED – Turns out Forever 21 isn’t going into the bankruptcy black hole after all — the chain has been saved by a last-minute purchase by three other fashion companies, who announced that they’re keeping open almost all of the brick-and-mortar stores
VOX – Mike Bloomberg had such a bad night at Wednesday’s Democratic debate that he’s resorted to tweeting out hopelessly doctored footage making him look sharp and the five other candidates as dolty and unprepared as Bloomberg actually was
GO FUG YOURSELF – Good luck un-seeing Kendall Jenner as Gumby in this green outfit. She also looks like a moon base CEO in a mod-era B-movie, something that kind of describes her public role in the Kardashian family these days
THE BLAST – There’s a movie called Dream Horse coming out in a couple of months, and honestly I’m only including this early look at the trailer in the links post as a reminder to everyone reading…
LAINEY GOSSIP – …that it is actually a movie about a real-life horse, and not a dramatization of the story of the French soccer player who needed twelve stitches after an opponent bit his dick during a match. The biter has been suspended from playing for five years; the bitee was ordered to stay home from work for four days (which works out to one day per three stitches, and seems like not nearly enough time for a dick bite of such magnitude)
THE BLEMISH – The NFL is trying to cram two more games into the regular-season schedule — something the league has long desired — by taking the long view and proposing that the schedule first increase from sixteen games to seventeen
JEZEBEL – The answer here is “No. No, this pair of Crocs modeled after fried chicken is not OK”
(Photo credit: Steven Spielberg’s daughter via Facebook)
John Sharp is Starcasm’s chief editorial correspondent-at-large. Tips: E-mail john@starcasm.net or Twitter @john_starcasm.
