PHOTO Proof Nicolas Cage is a vampire for sale on eBay for only $1,000,000

Nicolas Cage vintage vampire photo from the Civil War era on eBay

If you are one of the handful of folks out there convinced that Nicolas Cage is actually a vampire (Draculas Cage?) you can now officially do the “I Told You So” gloat dance thanks to some photographic proof currently available for purchase on eBay.

The “proof” comes in the form of a Civil War era photograph of Mr. Cage by Confederate prisoner-of-war photographer Professor G.B. Smith and being auctioned off by vintage photograph seller jack_mord. Here is the description of what you will be receiving if you win the auction item, which has a rather modest (in my opinion) Buy It Now price of $1 million:

Original c.1870 carte de visite showing a man who looks exactly like Nick Cage. Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead / vampire, et cetera, who quickens / reinvents himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.

This is not a trick photo, it’s an original photograph of a man who lived in Bristol, TN sometime around the Civil War.

Photographer is Professor G.B. Smith. A contact of mine forwarded this interesting article (link) about the photographer, Smith. Turns out he was a confederate Civil War prisoner of war photographer.

Guaranteed to be an original 1860s-70s photograph and not a modern reproduction, copy or photo manipulation.

The seller later updated his description after receiving numerous questions about how he came across the photo:

I’ve had a lot of questions asking where I purchased this. As followers of my my website know, I collect antique memorial photography – images of dead people – from the 1800s. This photo was found in the very back of album that contained an unusual number of Civil War era death portraits, which was why I purchased the album. All of the other people in the album, living and dead, were identified by name – this man was not.

It’s clear the seller knows the value of what he has here, but he also has a sense of humor about it as well. Check out these answers to buyers’ questions from the listing:

Q: will you hand-deliver anywhere in the universe?

A: Not anywhere in the universe, but almost. I will hand deliver it within a 5 mile radius of my house – but you must pay my gas, which is still a savings over shipping. For example, if you purchased it at the Buy It Now price of $1,000,000.00 and chose the hand delivery option, your invoice will show $1,000,001.25 (compared to $1,000,002.75 if shipped). Thanks for your interest.

Q: Nick Cage has aged terribly in the past 10 years, he’s obviously not been drinking his daily amount of blood to stay young

A: My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor “Nicolas Cage” will “die”… but in reality, the undead vampire “Nicolas Cage” will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all over. From time to time somebody might mention to him that he bears a slight resemblance to the young version that dead American actor, whose name they can’t recall, but eventually, those occurrences will stop altogether.

And just in case you need further proof that Nicolas Cage is in fact a vampire, check out these images from the film Vampire’s Kiss in which Nicolas Cage was unknowingly typecast as his true self:

Nicolas Cage as a vampire in the film Vampire's Kiss

STILL not convinced? Then let me present to you Nicolas Cage’s son, Weston Cage:

Nicolas Cage's son Weston Cage
^ Photo: Aaron D. Settipane/WENN

Can you say “Raising Transylvania?”