Aside from the current economic crisis, America’s main concern with the presidential transition is the soon to be acquired first dog. (We were hoping Barack would follow through on his platform of “change” and get a potbellied pig, but it would probably be a bad move if his first pet project contained pork spending) Clearly this is an issue that is weighing heavy on his mind, so starcasm would like to lessen the burden a bit by making a few suggestions.
Barack has stated that they will be getting a mutt from the animal shelter, so we will avoid offering up breed ideas and skip right to the most difficult, and politically dangerous, task of naming the little pup. We think naming the first pet is the perfect opportunity to pay respects to those people that helped you get to where you are, and in this spirit we recommend the following tributorial monikers:
For John McCain: Droopy, Greythoven, Old Yeller
For George W. Bush: Goofy, Scooby Dumb, Long Wrong Phooey, The Poky Little Puppy, Karl Rover, Cheney’s Little Helper
For Bill O’Reilly and Steve Colbert: Smarmaduke, Cocky Spaniel
For Tina Fey: Beverly Hills Chi-ha-ha-ha-ha, Feythoven, Chuckleberry Hound
For Himself: Joe Cool, Wiley Coyote, Spuds, Underdog, Best In Show, Triumph
And finally, for the comic gold mine that is Sarah Palin (what will we do without you Sarah P?):
And finally, just simply:
****UPDATE 4/13/09 – The wait is finally over! The Obamas have their new dog! It’s a six-month-old Portuguese water dog that was reportedly previously owned by another family that decided not to keep him. Sadly, the Obamas decided not to take any of our suggestions and instead went with the name Bo, after rock and roll pioneer Bo Diddley. CLICK HERE for more info on the first canine from People.