Move over tiger blood and Adonis DNA, meet scorpion blood and Kratos DNA! That’s right, the mantle of looniest celebrity has once again been passed and the new holder of the title is yet another son of a celebrity, Nicolas Cage’s death metal gothspring Weston Cage.
Beginning with his tutorial video on getting your ass kicked (thanks to his former trainer Kevin Villegas and the watchful lens of a TMZ video camera) Weston Cage has been the headlining star in a Charlie Sheen-esque meltdown that has included a long stint in rehab, a bloody fight with his pregnant wife resulting in both of them being arrested for domestic violence, and a shaven head – all of which has been documented by Weston himself in the form of (insert appropriate psychiatric diagnosis here) rants on Facebook.
^ Weston Cage shows off his new shaved head on Facebook
In addition to his detailed analysis of his love for Nikki (you can read about that HERE) Weston has also shared his insights and emotions about losing his signature black metal long hair. There are mixed messages as to exactly why Weston cut off his locks, but it appears to be a combination of: wanting to reveal a contusion caused by his wife Nikki during their fight, short hair is required to pursue the next stage in his career as a MMA cage fighter, and plain ol’ Alopecia.
Here is a chronological collection of our generation’s Samson talking about his loss of locks – See if you can figure out what the real reason(s) was.
July 5 – shaving my head tonight
Friend S: No way, your hair is awesome 🙂
Weston Cage: well i shall have a wig made of it
Weston Cage: this way i can join the ufc
July 6 – Weston posted this video:
July 6 – lets do this
shaving my head soon so lets do the call
July 9 – Dear world.
I cant wait to make blood spray on the audience’s that doubt me when i join ufc. I must do this, im SERIOUSLY READY. I have a great record in wrestling, tae kwon do and underground fights.
July 10 – [Weston shared some photos of his newly shaved head – as seen throughout this post. Someone commented, “U actually cut it !!” to which Weston responded, “no it fell off because like hades…….my hair lights on fire when im p!ssed”]
^ Weston Cage shows off his UFC skills outside BOA Steakhouse July 14
(Photo: JCalderon / Splash News)
July 10 – My spirit hair is still lengthy!!! i will grow it back, but enjoy in the mean time. I know what the comment making negative Nancy’s will say but whos cares? i could kick their teeth in if i wanted to but i forgive such pointless lives.
July 10 – my hair is still long at heart though, going to make a wig from the residue. Nikki, it feels amazing when you scratch the unchartered parts of my head. nothing has touched my naked head for 7 years.
July 10 – I promis Morbid! i will make a wig
Weston Cage: a wig for stage performances
Weston Cage: just gotta have option, my souls hair is always long. got ghost dreads
July 11 – Alopecia!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my hair is gone now because like Hades and my Father both…My head catches on fire when I’m angry……Greek god of darkness and the Ghost rider raised me well. I can take care of myself….
And just in case you had any doubts about Weston’s qualifications putting “Adonis DNA” to shame, here is his extensive resume, straight from his Facebook status fingers:
A crucial message to earth.
To those of you who are philistines and uninformed analytical scum of pointless life. I don’t ride on my fathers heels. Why would i play metal music for underground venues and connect with the crowds spiritually, physically and metaphysically? I hate that I’m trying to correct the idiotic and simple minds of this domain.
I do contain my one talents. I will post it on line. I sculpt, Paint, cook and make interesting scientific culinary flavor integrations of innovation, i do martial arts, tutor for hire in the subject of history, study family trees. I’m Scandinavian (viking) Italian (yet Greco-Roman) and proud to be Native american. So i am Scanditaliano lol.
I act, study the occult, I speak Russian and read it! I love Russian novels. I a compose. I play 8 string guitars, 7 string and regular six,l I LOVE C tuning with emg pick ups on carvins. I play piano with a soulful yet surgical touch. I play harmonium, violin, cello and viola (not perfectly though) I obviously can scream my head off, i can write poetry and speak German, Latin, Norwegian (bokmal), Japanese, Thai, Shoshone (Aztec derived), learning Afrikaans, I understand Hebrew and love Israel’s beaches, I speak okay Greek! S’AGAPO NIKKI!!! I’m obsessed with Greek and my homemade souvlaki Rules. I am joining mma soon and am so excited to show off my talents. Just trust me on the “cage fighting” its my last name b!tch!!! hahahah
hahahah also i know how to bullfight for some strange reason, i used to have Columbian guy show me, I do wat po Thai massage (thats for my wife only, along with other crazy i can do with my body TMI i know (8============================​===========>)
I can sing opera and speak old Norse. If u don’t believe me, I couldn’t care less and I’m not going to stick my head up my ass to see from my haters point of view. So peace out and ARS LONGA VITA BREVIS!!!!! HAIL THE ULVER AND THE GODS, Cao!!!!!!!!
btw im not mentally ill. An iq of 180 is a bit rough to handle sometimes. k?
(;
Sincerely
-WESTON COPPOLA CAGE
(CLICK HERE to watch a recent street interview with Weston Cage on TMZ in which he discusses his new UFC career path.)
