Slow cable service causes Sir Patrick Stewart to lose his will to live

Sir Patrick Stewart is not a man to be trifled with. He’s battled the with the X-Men. He’s saved the vast expanses of space time and time again as Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Star Trek Enterprise. So who has the power to bring Stewart to his knees and cry out for Twitter mercy? The cable guy of course. Wait a minute? Patrick Stewart has a freakin’ twitter account!?!! Awesome.

Anywho, in a sad event that proves there are bonds that tie all economic classes, Stewart was left so bewildered by how much Time Warner Cable sucks that he nearly lost his will to live. He waited and waited and waited at his pad in Brooklyn but no service. As each hour passed things digressed. Here is the tweet of a desperate man in a moment of slow ass cable horror:

Man I am so feeling you captain! Realizing they might have somewhat of a publicity problem on their hands, TWC replied, “How can we assist you?” 36hrs late and you’ve got Picard putting you on blast and all you have to say is that? LAME! Here is how this should’ve been handled:

“Dude, You are freaking Sir Patrick Stewart man. You’re the only dude who can say beam me up #1 and it actually happens. This is beyond embarrassing and we want to make it right by hooking you up with free HBO for at least, say 5 months man.”

SPS had a quick reply for this pathetic and tardy response:

It’s obvious what the advertising campaign should be for TWC’s competitors now. “Go with us, we would never leave Professor Charles Xavier hanging.” Well, what do you have to say for yourself cable guy?

Typical…