Note to self: Do not, under any circumstances, forget that you are eating a pot brownie when your teacher asks if she can have a bite.
Further note to self: Do not bring pot brownies to school.
Unfortunately, a Maryland teen is in trouble for violating both rules (and they really are more rules than guidelines) during lunch on Monday.
It went down exactly as you’d expect: A 17-year-old student at Broadneck High School in Anne Arundel County MD was sitting quietly at lunch, with his 16-year-old girlfriend, snacking on a pot brownie. Like you do.
Then, the student’s teacher walked up, and asked if she could get a hit of that mondo brownie. Also like you do.
(I mean, honestly–in the kid’s defense, what teacher asks her student for a part of his lunch? That is not creepy behavior or anything, but it is strange. It would not have been unreasonable for the student to say “No thank you, if I don’t eat all of my food myself my mom says I can’t be a member of the Clean Plate Club.” Again: a perfectly rational explanation from an already-high teen.)
So, the kid, doing what most of us would do if life were the sitcom it only sometimes is, panicked. And he gave his teacher a piece of the pot brownie.
Shortly afterward, the teacher became disoriented, complained of feeling ill, and had to go to the nurse.
She eventually went home–it’s not clear whether she drove or someone drove her–but, before she left, she told school authorities she had reason to believe she’d been dosed.
(Second quick side note: “Reason to believe,” in this case, is as delicious a euphemism as “Wardrobe malfunction” was at the Super Bowl. Plausible deniability for the win.)
The teacher was treated at a nearby hospital and released. The kid was booked into juvy on charges of intent to distribute marijuana, second-degree assault, and reckless endangerment. He was then “released to a guardian,” as well as to the chorus of snickers that doubtless awaits him around every corner at school.