The hottest girl group to possibly ever come out of Scranton, PA has dropped their second hit single “Girl Next Door.” “GND” as the kids are now calling it is an existential musing on the choices a man, in this case featured artist Ry Howard, faces when he has a choice of who to love.
The song penetrates to the heart of why part of our humanity is drawn to the things or people that potentially may cause us the most harm. On one hand our hero male has Kelly Kapoor, the every girl who is “only seen as one of the bros.” While on the other he has the trappings of vixen Erin Hannon who has “2,000 friends on Facebook” and lives a life of privilege because her blessed family won the lottery.
I didn’t think Subtle S. could approach the debut zenith that was 2009’s “Male Prima Donna” but I was way wrong. This sophomore release will change lives, well it changed mine for well over 3 minutes. Pull the fire alarm, get Dwight out of your hair and turn up “Girl Next Door” so that you may learn while dancing not to tread the same forlorn path of Ry H.
At the band’s official website they drop some special thank yous to those who made this great work of art happen. Kapoor is grateful for Katy Perry setting the bar so low with her lyrics and Carrie Underwood for not being hotter than her. Erin’s shout outs include the entire cast of Glee for making her so happy and her gummy vitamins.
Here are the lyrics for “Girl Next Door.”
VERSE ONE
(Kelly)
I’m just the girl next door, but that’s how it goes
You only see me as one of your bros
(Erin)
I’m rich and I’m skinny and I have high self-esteem
People say that I could be a pageant queen
(Kelly)
We could be just like Juliet and Romeo
Cleopatra and Marc Antony
Or Marc Anthony and J.Lo
CHORUS
(Kelly)
I’m just the girl next door (She’s just the girl next door)
(Erin)
And she’s totally poor (She’s just the girl next door)
(Kelly)
I wish I could be more (She’s just the girl next door)
I’m/She’s just the girl next door
VERSE TWO
(Kelly)
I’m on a customer service call
I see you two holding hands across the hall
(Erin)
I’ve got 2,000 friends on Facebook
(Kelly)
I eat a ham sandwich alone in my office nook
(Erin)
My blessed family won the lottery
(Kelly)
And my lame one lives in poverty
CHORUS
(Kelly)
I’m just the girl next door (She’s just the girl next door)
(Erin)
And she’s totally poor (She’s just the girl next door)
(Kelly)
I wish I could be more (She’s just the girl next door)
I’m/She’s just the girl next door
HOOK
(Ryan)
Now looking back 40 years later
My one regret is choosing not to date her
The hot girl wasn’t that great
She was a bad mother, she was always late
Shoulda gone for the girl next door from the very start
But it’s too late cuz she died of a broken heart
CHORUS
(Kelly)
I’m just the girl next door (She’s just the girl next door)
(Erin)
And she’s totally poor (She’s just the girl next door)
(Kelly)
I wish I could be more (She’s just the girl next door)
I’m/She’s just the girl next door
CHORUS (repeat)
I wasn’t sure how the good folks at Dunder Mifflin were going to fare with the departure of legendary manager Michael Scott. Well if Subtle Sexuality’s hit factory is any indication they’re gonna keep it up and keep it pumpin’ (that’s what she said). Here’s a photo gallery of stills from the video that is sure to win a Grammy Dundie Award or two. Click on any of the thumbnails for the full “GND” image and Enjoy!
