Tila Tequila is doing better after tweeting about killing herself October 5. Here’s the tweet:
“It woulda been tonite I ended my life, but my friend caught me and stopped me. So I told him I will give him two more weeks. No one can stop me.”
Tila deleted that message, but put up several tweets about talking to God and learning that he’s lost hope in all mankind. She believed she was sent as a message to save the world, but it is now unsavable.
“The devil has hunted me down. They wana take my soul from this world cuz i hav a secret, profound. So im giving in. God forgive me 4 my sin. I have just lost hope for mankind. They are morbid creatures and im tired of being here trying 2 help ppl when everyone is so ignorant. I was the chosen one to come down here and be a messenger to try to help save the world. But the world lost hope. My job is done here. I will live if I see that mankind is anything worth fighting for…unfortunately…God is VERY disappointed in mankind right now. When I had my death experiences, I actually died twice and saw the light. My life never been the same since..I saw God & he told me lots.”
Tila has now found that mankind is worth fighting for, and she’s with friends and family. Her representative says she’s also getting help. Her statement is lucid and heartfelt. She says she pushed herself too hard after the incident with Shawn Merriman and didn’t have an emotional support system in place. Although the Queen of All Internet usually doesn’t make statements about stories circulating about her (even if she starts them) she has decided to speak out to help others who may feel the way she felt.
It was very brave of her to post this message, and I believe it will help others. Almost everyone finds themselves in situations where they don’t think they can go on, and it always helps to know that other people have felt that way, that there is a way to get through dark times. Here’s what she posted:
“I just wanted to take a moment to address all of my fans and the people I care about regarding my recent public suicidal meltdown online. I don’t usually issue statements to address rumors, but since suicide is a very serious subject, I felt that it is my responsibility to come clean and speak out about it, as emotional and personal as it is. I feel like it is still my duty to take responsibility for my own actions. Sometimes I tend to forget that I am a public figure and with that, comes a lot of responsibility and suicide is not the type of message I want to send out. I always want to make sure that I am sending out positive messages so I felt that it’s important for me to speak up this time. If I continue to ignore this and pretend as though it never happened, then I failed myself and my fans. This is not one of my proudest moments to be sitting here and explaining to the world something so emotional and personal, but I need to stop being selfish. This is not one of my proudest moments to share with the world, but maybe it can help save someone else’s life who ends up reading this.
Recently I was involved in a highly publicized case of Domestic Violence, and I have never really spoken out about it. I do not want to bring this up again, however it has been a very difficult situation for me. Not being able to speak to people about it in public, and having to pretend to move on(with life) as though nothing ever happened, has taken a heavy toll on me, physically, as well as mentally. It has been a tough recovery process and I try to take it all in day by day because dealing with all of this in the public eye, and getting scrutinized by the media can be very hurtful. I have tried my best to stay strong and try to move on with my life, but because of the post traumatic stress that I have suffered from that incident, and the tremendous amount of pressure from the media scrutiny, I finally had a public meltdown. For one person to have to deal with the weight of the world on her shoulders, it’s not as easy as one may think. I didn’t allow myself time to fully recover and take it easy. I kept pushing and pushing myself until I became mentally exhausted. On the outside I would put on a smile so that my fans and family wouldn’t worry about me, but on the inside, I was falling apart. I didn’t give myself a chance to rely on anyone for emotional support and therefor, I became isolated. So I just want to say that I am very sorry if I worried my fans and all of the people close to me, because the last thing I want to do is hurt them or send out the wrong message. I have been seeking medical attention because I know that the little girl inside of me still has a lot to live for. I am slowly, but surely, picking up all of the broken pieces and trying to put it all back together again. All deep wounds take a lot of time to heal, but most importantly, it takes strength and courage. I just want to let you all know that I very much appreciate all of your love, support and prayers. Sometimes people tend to forget that “celebrities” are humans too, and every once in a while, we tend to have a meltdown. Luckily for me, I am now surrounded with all of my friends and family who are showing me a lot of support. I am a bit embarrassed and ashamed that the whole world witnessed my very public meltdown about being suicidal, but at the same time, I know that I shouldn’t be. I believe that it was God’s way of trying to help me because it is not my time to die. Had I not spoken out for help, my loved ones would not have seen my cry for help, and I probably wouldn’t be alive today to write this letter to you. Had I not done what I did that night, I most definitely would have made the biggest mistake of my life, that I can never undo….
With that said, what I have learned from this is that life is such a precious thing and we mustn’t take it for granted! The fact that I am still alive today, to be able to wake up and see what the world has to offer me, I have never appreciated a day more than today! So for everyone else out there who feels suicidal for whatever reason, please know that there’s nothing in life so bad that it’s worth taking your own life. Just know that you are not alone and no matter how bad things seem to get, things can only get better…you just have to have faith and stay strong. If I can survive this, then so can you! God put us all here, every single one of us for a reason….and you just have to ride it out. Suicide is not the answer. It is a cowards way of giving up. Choose life because you have the power to change it! You have the power to write out your own happy ending in the story that you are living to tell. We all must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark, and everyday is a new day! After the storm passes the Sun will always be there to shine on you once again! We have only one life to live, so why not give it a try? It takes a stronger person to fight through the hard times, then take the easy way out!!!! DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!!! God Bless!”
Sincerely,
Tila
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