Bethenny Frankel said her marriage made her feel like a ‘bad person’

Bethenny Frankel attends Fashion's Night Out 2012 at Macy's in New York City, USA.

Bethenny Frankel and husband Jason Hoppy are in the midst of a messy divorce. Since her initial filing at the end of last year, the former Bethenny Ever After star hasn’t said much about their split except to tell fans that they would do their best to keep things amicable, and then explain why they hadn’t. In a new interview, Bethenny is revealing what went wrong between them and how difficult it has been living through this divorce.

“I felt like there was an expectation to be someone that I wasn’t. All the things that I’ve tried to resolve in therapy and get past from my childhood reared their ugly head in my marriage,” Bethenny reveals to People Magazine. “My marriage made me feel like I was a bad person, like I was damaged, I was dysfunctional, I was never going to be happy. But I don’t believe that to be true. Yet there I was – in a relationship that made me feel that way.”

“I have never beaten myself up the way I did during my marriage. I’d say, ‘I need to be more like this, I need to be more like that, I’m not normal, I came from a screwed-up background.'”

As Bethenny has previously revealed, her childhood was anything but easy. Her mother, from whom she is now estranged, was an alcoholic and her father was completely absent. Although she got through it, the ordeal still haunts her and affects her everyday relationships. In fact, when she first met Jason she wasn’t sure if she could have a normal relationship.

“Maybe that’s the first lesson I learned: to go with my gut,” she wonders. “Because I waited a long time to see if I even wanted to be in this relationship. I didn’t go with my first instinct.”

Bethenny Frankel and her husband Jason Hoppy and their daughter Bryn go for a stroll in Manhattan, New York City, USA.

^ Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy take daughter Bryn for a stroll in New York City on April 3, 2012. (Photo: TNYF/

Not that her marriage is over, Bethenny is trying to remain positive and focused on Bryn, but it’s not always easy. “I kind of sway between being frayed and stressed and on the brink in some ways; wracked with nerves. And then feeling OK and certain,” Bethenny explains. “This is my life now.”

Although a few things have been agreed upon in the divorce, there are still several major issues that remain unsolved. For instance, the couple still hasn’t agreed to who will remain in their NYC apartment. Currently, it is Jason who is in the home and often has his parents staying over in order to help with daughter Bryn.

According to recent reports, Bethenny is extremely irritated with the situation and keeps her bedroom locked so that Jason and his parents don’t have access to her private possessions.

“My living situation is very, very stressful,” she says. “I don’t think it’s very healthy for anyone involved. It’s very upsetting. You just have to endure it.”

Although there have been hardships, Bethenny never finds herself wishing she never got involved with Jason. After all, if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have her daughter. “Because of Bryn, I can never say, ‘I wish this had never happened,'” Bethenny reasons. “I have a beautiful child who I love so much, who is a part of both of us.”

As for Jason wearing his wedding ring, Bethenny says, “It’s an interesting choice and I don’t understand it.”

Top Photo: PNP/

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