Warren the Ape lives in his own universe, a universe that just so happens to be much more interesting and fascinating than yours or mine. Bouncing around underneath his helmet are a million thoughts and ideas. We were fortunate enough to get just a tiny peek into the immense matter between those furry ape ears in an exclusive interview. Shatner, sex tapes, and sobriety.
Ladies,gentlemen and that bunny we present to you the career reclaiming MTV star Warren the Ape!
Starcasm: What’s your relationship with Dr. Drew like?
Warren the Ape: I was surprised to see that Dr. Drew was a real doctor. And here I thought he was just some television doctor, like those folks on Scrubs or the one with Sandra Oh. Turns out the guy has a diploma, and he takes the sobriety thing very seriously. So we kind of clash on that point. He at least agrees that relapse is part of recovery, so in that sense he can admit that I am recovering on a daily basis.
S: Are you still sober / adjusting well to sober living??
WtA: I’m sober more often than not. I must say when I’m not drinking I do feel like I have more free time. Or at least I’m able to remember having free time. Being sober makes dealing with interviews and executives all the more difficult. Listen, if you were a three foot puppet in a word dominated by humans, you’d drink too – trust me.
S: Is there a special girl, will you settle down and have kids?
WtA: Every girl is special to me. I’m just not one to settle down. I’m a live fast, die fat kind of fella. I don’t know that I’ll ever have kids. I’ve been banned from being within a hundred feet of most schools anyway so I have no idea where the little bastards could get an education.
S: Who are your heroes?
WtA: Well, I’d say Rowlf the Dog carved out a nice nest egg for himself. The guy managed to be a part of the whole Muppet phenomena without ever sacrificing his dignity. He played classical piano and he brought a tear to the eye, and somehow people didn’t seem to begrudge him the fact that he was a puppet dog. That’s rare in this business. I also like Aquaman because sharks do his taxes.
S: Do you have any upcoming projects? Films, tell-all books?
WtA: It’s the 25th anniversary of ESCAPE FROM SPACE PRISON, one of many puppetsploitation films I did back in the late 70s with Howitzer Films. They’re going to release the trailer online and DVDs will be sure to follow. My agent is fielding offers for new projects, presuming my tv show continues to climb in the ratings, and I can stay sober enough for insurance to cover me. I’ve been working on my biography, POSTCARDS FROM THE SH*TSTORM, which I’m also developing as a One-Ape-Show. Look for that at your local independent bookseller and dinner theatre.
S: What’s on your ipod?
WtA: At the moment:
“Has Been” – William Shatner. Shoulda been my theme song.
S: Do you still talk to Greg the Bunny?
WtA: Greg appears on my show this season. The network insisted we had “chemistry” which is code for them loving how much he pisses me off. I’ve never understood why Greg has managed to fail upward in this business. He’s undisciplined, unprofessional, and skates by on looks and stuffed-animal charm. And yet, the guy’s in a Malibu mansion while I’m living month-to-month in a termite-ridden dump in the valley. There’s just no justice. But yes, he manages to worm his way onto the show, and the results are shocking. At least for him, heh.
S: Do you have any sex tapes floating around that may come out?
WtA: I’m in production on three of them right now. In fact, I need to get home and resume shooting. Just has to pick up my Valtrex prescription. Nice running into you here at the pharmacy.
We asked Warren about his feelings in regards to the paparazzi. He had no answer. We got the message loud and clear. New episodes of Warren the Ape air on Mondays at 10:30 EST. You can drop by WtA’s cyber-house here to see clips and in general feed your Warren the Ape hunger.