US Economy To Be Released On Bail?

Economic Bailout Package

Congress is voting today on a $700 billion dollar bailout package in a desperate attempt to stabilize a flailing economy. The senate is expected to vote as early as Wednesday.

Starcasm political correspondents are frantically trying to get some quotes for you, but until they do, here is our best guess as to what people will say:

“I will take a look at this bill and decide if it’s what’s right for the American people. My opponent has a history of hating the American people. He’s not smart about stuff. I was right about Iraq!”
JohnMcCain

“I will take a look at this bill and decide if it’s what’s right for the American people. My opponent has a history of hating the American people. He’s not smart about stuff. I was right about Iraq!”
Barack Obama

“I just pray for all those little dollars and pray they go where God needs them most. John McCain and I have talked about this and it’s an idea.”
Sarah Palin

“I just pray for all those little dollars and pray they go where God needs them most. John McCain and I have talked about this and it’s an idea.”
– Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on “Saturday Night Live”

“Finally, some government charity going where it will actually do some good!”
Anonymous Prominent Republican

“I’ve looked at this package – heheh, ‘package’ – and I think it’s a big ol’ package – heheh.”
George W. Bush

“Please help me! I’m on a small island in the central Pacific! Can anybody hear me?!?”
Amelia Earhart

“Why are we giving all this money to a bunch of nappy headed CEOs?”
Don Imus

Them cats need to bailizzle on the shizzle pizzle, damn!”
Snoop Dogg

“Boobs.”
Heidi Klum

Stay tuned for more news on the economic future of our nation and updates on the escapades of Amy Winehouse right here on starcasm.net!

*****UPDATE 09/29/08 – The House has rejected the proposed bailout and Wall Street is plunging. At the time of this update the DOW is down over 750 points and the NASDAQ is down nearly 200. It’s hard to be sarcastic about that.



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