Top 10 Possible Reasons Sarah Palin Resigned As Governor Of Alaska

Sarah Palin stepping down as governor of Alaska would usually be a shoe-in for The Late Show with David Letterman‘s Top Ten List, but since his recent beat-down in the media and resulting apologies to Mrs. Palin, Dave won’t come within a hundred miles of this story! So, I thought I might attempt to fill the void with “Starcasm’s Top Ten List of Possible Reasons Sarah Palin Stepped Down as Governor of Alaska” – complete with visual aids!

10. She’s fulfilling a lifelong desire to travel the globe, hoping to visit all three continents by the end of 2009.

9. In a continued effort to make her Katie Couric interview seem better than it was, Sarah will be launching All of ‘Em Magazine.

Sarah Palin All of Em Magazine

8. She and 2012 running mate Carrie Prejean have entered an intense two-year program to learn how to answer interview questions in a manner not considered “horrible.”

7. To combat Jon Stewart’s popularity, she will be hosting a humorous current events talk show on Fox News called The Paley Show.

6. She’s just doing her small part to make Barack Obama look bad by increasing the unemployment rate.

5. She has joined the cast of Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Alaska.

4. She’s starting her own lipstick company called Pitbulline.

Sarah Palin Pitbulline lipstick

3. Details are unclear, but she bought a helicopter and a rifle just after she started referring to former son-in-law Levi as “The Wolf.”

2. She stands to make millions doing appearances posing as Tina Fey impersonating Sarah Palin.

And, the number on possible reason why Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska…

1. She’s been cast in yet another remake of the Raquel Welch classic One Million Years BC. The former governor hopes her appearance will help promote two theories: that humans and dinosaurs co-existed and that Sarah Palin looks damn good in a caveman bikini. (Stephen Baldwin will co-star as a young John McCain)

Sarah Palin in One Million BC