KeaNeo Reeves Goes On Trial

No, it’s not for bad acting. (Reeves can be thankful there aren’t laws against that, or he would have been a dead man walking long ago) Jurors were selected Monday in a paparazzo’s civil case against Keanu. The photographer claims Neo backed over him in his Porsche, causing him to re-injur his wrist, which probably isn’t the first time a limp-wristed guy has bumped into Keanu’s backside.

Keanu Reeves on trial

We’re gonna take it a little easy on Keanotalent here because not only did he manage to hit something with no inherent value, but the flip-floparazzo’s story has changed a number of times since the incident, which might mean Keanu also hit a worse actor than himself. Besides, if a paparazzo gets hit while taking pictures of someone backing out of a parking space, chances are he deserved it.

We would like to take a moment to honor Keanu’s first appearance on Starcasm. We look forward to a loooooong, fruitful relationship with you, dude! And if you’re reading this – if you can read at all – and would like to help out a fledgling celebrity gossip site, may we recommend:

Speed III: In Reverse
Dogstar: The Reunion Album
The Jeep Keanu
Citizen Kane ’09
Mrs. Paris Reeves

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(For fans of “Point Break,” the greatest presidential mask wearing surfer bank robber movie ever, check out this mp3 that features dialogue from the movie dubbed over a Beastie Boys instrumental. You’ll need some sort of torrent downloading program to get it. There is rarely a day that passes here at the Starcasm office when someone doesn’t yell, “Hey Utah! Get me two!”)