In what may seem like one of starcasm’s “exclusives,” Fox has signed the Jonas Brothers on for the making of “Walter the Farting Dog.” (Our not-so-ridiculous suggestions would have included “The 12-Year Old Virgin,” “Kevin, Joe and Nick Don’t Make a Porno” and “The Three Talentlessketeers.”) The movie is based on William Kotzwinkle and Glen Murray’s series of bestselling books and will be adapted by Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow.
Great. A fourth hairy creature that likes to sniff butts and emit unpleasant things out of an orifice. (There has been no confirmation if Walter is fixed as well) These four sensory polluters will star alongside “Bonus Jonas,” little brother Frankie. BoJo hasn’t imposed himself on the public yet so we’re not sure if he’s annoying, talentless, or sexually active. The film should start draining the economy and the patience of parents sometime in 2009.
Butt don’t plan on enjoying too many Jonas filmless months, because prior to this $400-billion grossing stinker hitting the big screen, we’re going to have to hold our noses through a Jon-ass Brothers concert movie that recently finished shooting. Director Bruce Hendricks will attempt the Evil Knievel-esque stunt of taking one-dimensional performers and songs and leaping them over the second dimension, into a 3-D motion picture, cashing in on the success of Miley Cyrus’ hugely successful 3-D movie that came out in February. 3-D used to be a great vehicle for bad horror movies, and it seems that hasn’t changed.
Here’s a potential soundtrack for “Walter the Farting Dog:”
Poot Scoot Doggie – Brooks and Dung
Champagne Poopernova – Oasis
Brown Eye Whirl – Van Morrison
(Cutting) Cheese A Lady – Tom Jones
Pooperstition – Stevie Wonder
I Stink I Love You – The Fartridge Family
In Flatuation – Rod Stewart
These Brown Eyes – The Gas Who
Hershey Highway To Hell – AC/DC
Poop Chuting Star – Bad Company
Never Tear Us A Fart – INXS