I found a source for full-length episodes of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! So, I will be adding them to this post as soon as they are available, which is usually right at 24 hours after the original airing. (Just scroll down to watch!)
(For previous updates, check my other I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here posts)
****UPDATE 6/24/09b**** We have a winner! No, it’s not Torrie 🙁 The winner, and King of the Jungle is…
LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS! (Check out my congratulatory post to Lou and memorial photo gallery for Torrie here)
****UPDATE 6/23/09b**** So long Sanjaya and Patti! I have to admit I’m a little sad to see you go – as frustrating as this confusing and unfocused competition show has been, I’ve grown attached to these final five contestants. Patti I’m still a little suspicious about, but as I mention in the post below, the other four seem like genuinely kind-hearted people and that quality in them has been the only saving grace of the show for me.
So it will be John, Lou Diamond and Torrie competing for jungle victory tomorrow night. Before the series started I announced starcasm’s support for John Salley. But, through no fault of John’s, I’m officially switching my endorsement to Torrie. I know you’re probably thinking that I’m switching alliances because of Torrie’s blond bombshellitude, but let me assure you that I actually counted that as a negative for her going in. No, Torrie has won me over with her Zenful good attitude that is completely unaffected by her surroundings, whether it’s vicious biting bugs or viciously annoying d-list celebrities. And is it just me or is she getting more and more attractive as the show goes on, as if she’s shedding her human skin to reveal some sort of Costa Rican jungle nymph?
Don’t believe me? Here’s a poor quality video clip that sums it up perfectly for me. John Salley and Patt Blagojevich are talking about some serious things like potential jail time for Patti and her husband and the orphaning of their children, with John offering mighty heavy spiritual philosophy involving a candle and lots of dark. But, the real show is in the foreground swimming pool. Is that a mermaid? Perhaps a womanatee? No, it is the at-one-with-nature jungle nymph known as Torrie.
My blood pressure drops every time I watch this clip! If John and Patti would just turn around, their troubles would sink in the water and float downstream – far, far, away…
****UPDATE 6/22/09b**** More ridiculousness tonight. Stephen Baldwin quit (as I mentioned earlier today) and the remaining cast members had to decide whether they wanted Holly Montag or Janice Dickinson to take his place. Janice offered a wonderfully Dickinsonian plea, promising to be a better person in a completely unconvincing manner. Holly was nearly in tears and explained her desire to return to the camp in such an emotional manner she had me wondering just how horrible a life she leads normally.
Of course the good celebs of Costa Rica voted for Holly and she and Sanjaya immediately began where they left off, flirting like 8-year olds. (At one point Holly even whispered to Sanjaya what she would do if he did a cannonball, which caused them both to giggle. Those crazy kids! How in the world didn’t they start a game of Spin the Canteen?)
The elimination round was between Holly (because she had returned after being voted off) and the person with the least amount of votes from viewers, which turned out to be a surprised John Salley. (I thought John was gonna cry when he heard his name! That poor dude was thinkin’ the whole world hated him.) But he regained his composure and out-drank Holly to stay in the jungle, which was no small feat given the fact that the drinks ranged from tarantula cocktail to dung beetle juice. So, to sum things up, nothing happened that we didn’t know already. Stephen Baldwin is off. Stay tuned!
****UPDATE 6/22/09a**** Stephen Baldwin has indeed left the show, but it isn’t because of his foreclosure problems – it’s because he’s pregnant! Well, sort of. Here’s the scoop from starpulse.com:
…the star has revealed he was bitten more than 125 times by flying critters – and was told by a medic that the insects had implanted larvae under his skin.
Speaking on blogtalkradio, Baldwin said: “I suffered in the first eight days of production, while in the jungle, over 125 insect bites on my body… I had about thirty on my left leg… 25 or 30 on each arm, kind of all over and two of them, much to my surprise, became quite lumpy initially.
“Within about 72 hours they were these half dollar-sized lumps under my skin that were probably about an inch thick and were situations where they just weren’t a reaction that were the same as the others – 123 so to speak.
“I did get to take some time with the medic who explained that in his opinion at that point he didn’t think that it was the ‘implantation of insect larvae into my flesh’, but that – oh gosh – that’s what it could be… So they tested these things and sure enough, Stevie B was ‘pregnant.'”
****UPDATE 6/19/09**** Perez Hilton has sources that say Stephen Baldwin has quit the show. No explanation was given, but Perez suggests it might stem from reports of Stephen’s house being foreclosed on. I’ll update if more information is released.
****UPDATE 6/18/09**** Tonight’s show saw the elimination of two contestants, a welcome change from the frustrating and confusing lack of eliminations during the first two weeks of the show. Holly Montag was the first to go, continuing the trend of newbie disfavor that has seen every contestant that was not part of the Original Nine eliminated. (Frangela were a last minute addition, and not included in the Original Nine) Holly seemed pleasant enough, and she appeared to be on the verge of outing Sanjaya Squarepants as a sexual being of some sort, so it was mildly disappointing to see her go.
Contestant “number two” to be eliminated was a major show changer as the cast member everyone loves to hate had to pack her overstuffed colon and assortment of facial maintenance accessories and leave camp. Yes, Miss Janice Dickinson has left the jungle. (Moment of silence) (Actually, there will be a prolonged moment of silence in the now loud-mouthed supermodel-less Costa Rican jungle) Aside from the Speidi fiasco, Janice is the first of the Original Nine to return stateside.
This only confirms my theory: Gay men aren’t watching this show. There’s no way in the world they would let this throwback old school divasaurus go home! On any reality show with a substantial gay viewership there is an “Oh no she didn’t!” factor, which is usually enough to carry a contestant right up to the finale, where she (or he) loses out because divas are fun to watch but no one wants to see them win anything. (There was one brief period of time when Janice seemed genuinely jovial and kind-hearted, though. It was right after her return from the hospital and the successful evacuation of her bowels, which she claimed had been plugged up for at least a week. Janice could appear on MTV and completely redefine the whole idea of “Unplugged”)
My hat is off to Janice. As I suggested before the show began, she had the potential to be a great vaillainous crazy bee-yotch and she delivered! I’ll even give her enough credit to allow that a lot of her antics were calculated and done not only for our entertainment, but too further her diva persona. Kudos Janice. Thanks for the entertainment!
Updated Contestant chart(s):
I confess that the only reason I keep watching this show is because I write this blog and I feel committed at this point to follow it through to the end. That being said, I don’t place the blame on the “celebrity” contestants. Granted, they’re not overly extroverted charismatic individuals and they are certainly not pathetically fame-hungry fakes either (Speidi excluded), but they seem interesting enough to make for an enjoyable reality show experience.
No, I place the blame squarely at the feet of the producers of the show. Since the first episode it has been a confusing, unfocused affair with random occasions of bug and bull testicle ingestion for prizes like hot dogs or a pizza. The fundamental flaw is that this is supposed to be a survival competition and the contestants don’t seem to get much opportunity to compete for survival, just for better dinners. The call-in voting aspect of the show was really confusing, not really clarifying whether you were voting for who will have to crawl through a muddy tunnel packed with snakes and spiders or who will be eliminated. (Actually I think you vote for who to keep when you’re not voting for who will compete. I think.) Most of the time, two contestants were pulled from camp and competed against each other without the other contestants present. Then they returned to camp and announced who won. The contestants don’t even get to watch and cheer on their team? I just don’t get it.
That being said, it’s now time to embarrass myself. I normally wouldn’t care if a reality show featuring D-list celebrities sucked or not. As a matter of fact, this blog normally thrives on that exact kind of suck. But I will lay aside the snarkiness for a moment and say with sarcasticless seriousness that some of the people on this show deserved better. Speidi was a huge, ridiculous asterisk and they actually deserve much, much worse. Janice Dickinson is more in line with your typical minor celebrity reality show and as much as I might admire the entertainment value of her antics, I don’t particularly feel that she deserved better. Oh, and Stephen Baldwin is Stephen Baldwin – mildly annoying but otherwise harmless.
Patti Blagojevich I’m still not sure about. She has come across as a lot more sympathetic than I thought possible before the show began. It might be that she’s just putting on a very good show, I dunno. One thing I can say for sure is it’s a far better thing for the Blagojevich family that Patti is on the show and not Rod.
That leaves four people: Torrie Wilson, Lou Diamond Phillips, John Salley, and Sanjaya Malakar. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but these four folks seem like absolutely decent and genuinely good human beings. I’m not saying any of these folks are potential heroes for our children, or that they are super talented at what they do, but they are enthusiastic competitors that never seem short on kindness or concern for others, and it is a damn shame they committed to such a poorly conceived and poorly executed reality show. I shouldn’t say any more because I have a reputation to uphold.