Beverly Hills Court Issues Warrant For Lindsay Lohan’s Arrest!

No, the laws haven’t been changed to make it illegal to act poorly, participate in a lesbian cat fight, love MySpace, record terrible music, not eat, wear real fur, or use cocaine – Lindsay Lohan is in trouble for a parole violation stemming from her 2007 DUI hit-and-run arrest, her second DUI conviction.

The police statement reads, “A warrant was in fact issued Friday for the arrest of Lindsay Lohan. The circumstances leading to the issuance by the court are not readily available at this time. It is our hope that Ms. Lohan will surrender herself so this matter can be resolved in at timely manner.”

It is NOT my hope that “Ms. Lohan will surrender herself!” Lindsay, this is your chance to finally do something important, to take a stand for mysteriously well-endowed stick figure lesbian celebrities everywhere! You can’t surrender to The Man! We tried to inspire you before, and we’ll try it again by recycling this motivational movie poster:

Thelma and Lohan starring Susan Sarandon and Lindsay Lohan
(Actually, if I had it to draw over, I would change the title to Samanthelma and Louise)

A hearing is set for Monday morning and Lohan’s attorney Shawn Chapman Holley has issued this well-worded smokescreen: “Since her case was resolved, Ms. Lohan has been in compliance with all the terms and conditions of her probation and all orders of the court. The warrant issued on Friday was, in our view, born out of a misunderstanding which I am confident I can clear up next week.” Nice! Now – Run Lindsay, RUN!

More Outlaw Lindsay movies:

Boney and Clyde
Smokey and the Lohandit
The Straw Skank Redemption
Lilocean’s Eleven
Butch Ronson and the Sun-Tanned Kid

****UPDATE 3/16/09 – D’awwww! Lindsay’s lawyer had the warrant recalled. The hubbub was over the fact that Lilo had missed a few of her alcohol education program classes, two of which were excused and the other was due to the paparazzi. No police chase, no drunken standoff, no nothin’! Man, nothing exciting ever happens in Hollywood 🙁

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