LINKS! The Bachelor’s herpes problem, Vanderpump Rules tape delay, Donald Glover an assassin…

JEZEBELHere’s a fun pop quiz: According to the author of a new behind-the-scenes book, the number one reason potential contestants are turned down for both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette is 1) Prior commitment; 2) Unexpected lion mauling; 3) Indigestion; or 4) Herpes. Choose carefully

REALITY TEAThis whole awkward post-breakup friendship tour between Scheana Marie and Rob Valletta just underscores one of the weirder things about reality TV culture: every show’s episodes are several months behind the well-documented actual drama unfolding on social media and gossip blogs

THE BLEMISHDonald Glover’s response to Chevy Chase’s racism and petty jealousy while the two were on Community together is some of the most beautifully passive high-road shade you’ll ever see thrown. It’s like an assassin who knows his target is waiting for a bullet choking him with a macadamia nut instead. (Side note: The Community episode where Pierce tries to become the star of Annie’s play was totally based on Chevy Chase’s real-life behavior)

VOX“Of course Ivanka Trump believes her dad’s accusers. She just doesn’t care”

LAINEY GOSSIPThe marketing for A Wrinkle In Time is using Chris Pine the same way Orange Is The New Black used Piper in the first couple of seasons, which is both savvy and fun. Also, here he is looking good and dropping worthwhile life-affirming quotes at the premiere

DLISTEDAmy Schumer’s wedding vows to her surprise new husband basically read like a deleted scene from Trainwreck — which was great, no shade — including a promise to “keep going down on you, even though everyone tells me I won’t.”

CELEBITCHYJennifer Lawrence’s cover feature in the latest Vanity Fair is getting plenty of attention for her comments on Democrats and Trump, but I can’t stop imagining what it’s like to be the interviewer for whom Jennifer Lawrence cooks a chicken dinner in the doubtless amazing kitchen of her surely stunning southern California mansion. High-profile journalists must have to go through dazzle training at some point

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPJinger Duggar dared to wear a short-ish skirt *and* a sleeveless shirt at the same time

VERY SMART BROTHASHere’s an interesting thing to think about for five minutes: What’s the biggest national chain store that you’ve never been in? And why haven’t you been? (I’ve never been in a Safeway, simply because they’re almost non-existent in the eastern US)

UPROXXWhy is Charles Barkley hosting SNL next month? I know he’s done it several times before, and also is often unintentionally hilarious. Still, I’m pretty sure upon hearing the news Jack Donaghy stared out his office window and lamented the missed opportunity for better vertically integrated corporate synergy

VIDEO Safaree nudes leak: LHHNY star’s full eggplant exposed in clip

Love & Hip Hop New York star Safaree Samuels is trending in an especially big way today. The long-rumored Safaree nudes have leaked, in the form of a clip of a fully-naked Safaree brandishing his eggplant before a cell phone camera. The identity of the leaker remains unknown, though two prominent suspects have emerged.

LINKS! Another strange Trump statement, Kirstie Alley vs. curling, Olympic sabotage…

CELEBITCHYDonald Trump is now claiming “Obama never used the Oval”? What is that even supposed to mean? The surface-level meaning is that Obama literally never worked in the Oval Office, which is untrue. And the deeper implication — that Obama never put the trappings of the presidency to work for him — is also inaccurate

DLISTEDKirstie Alley decided that the middle of the Winter Olympics was the right time to go on Twitter and trash curling. Am I the only one who finds curling weirdly awesome? Every four years I tune in like a madman during the Olympics (though as soon as the Olympics are done I forget all about it until the next one)

THE BLEMISHAnd speaking of the Olympics, it really does seem like a bad idea to use your hands to try and trip a speed skater as she whizzes by your falling body on her razor shoes

JEZEBELMarco Rubio went on CNN last night to take the NRA’s side in a gun control town hall meeting featuring parents of some of the students killed in the Parkland school shooting. It did not go well for him

UPROXXI was already a little interested in the Han Solo spinoff movie after finding out it’s partially influenced by The Big Lebowski, but this Solo trailer re-cut to “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys has me giddier than it probably should

VOXThe short version of the keto diet is it’s great if you want to treat epilepsy or want to trick yourself into believing ice cream is great for breakfast

REALITY TEARHONJ’s Teresa Giudice is going on Hollywood Medium next season work through her grief over her dead mother and ignore her legal issues for a full hour

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPIf you’re a cast member for a show on Bravo, and you get an STD from another one of the network’s reality TV stars, your contract forbids you from suing the network. Cue the Vanderpump Rules cast facepalm

LAINEY GOSSIPTiffany Haddish, who is already everywhere right now, is about to get even more everywhere-er: She just signed a deal with Netflix to star in an animated show created by one of the people responsible for BoJack Horseman

VERY SMART BROTHASDrake’s video for “God’s Plan” — you know, the one where he gives away the video’s $1 million budget to various people around Miami — is ultimately a good deed version of what Red Fang did with “Wires,” and good on him for making it

LINKS! Jay-Z’s huge bar tab, Margaret Josephs’ tax trouble, Gun control column goes bad…

DLISTEDJay-Z is the latest big name celebrity and / or major sport trophy winner to rack up a huge bar tab. He dropped $113,000 on booze at three New York City clubs this weekend — but, in typical big name celebrity / athlete fashion, he bought stuff that costs over $1,000 per bottle. Just once it would be amazing to see a six-figure tab spent on an entire bar full of people and made up of nothing but Jell-O shots and high gravity beer

REALITY TEAThe Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s Margaret Josephs is in some real trouble with the IRS. She would need two Hail Mary Jay-Z bar tabs just to keep her head above water

CELEBITCHYThe New York Times has been throwing out some impressively bad hot takes over the past few months, but this David Brooks column in the wake of the Parkland school shooting is blacked out at the wheel

JEZEBELWe have a new frontrunner for the 2018 Headline Of The Year

THE BLEMISHJessica Chastain, in addition to starring in what feels like easily a half-dozen comic book movies and assorted high-concept Hollywood blockbuster-type films, is probably going to play the lead in the sequel to It as well

VOXHere’s what it’s like to spend four days tripping on ayahuasca in the Costa Rican rainforest

VERY SMART BROTHAS“An Open Letter to the Men Whose Girlfriends and Wives Saw Black Panther and Now Want to Move to Wakanda”

LAINEY GOSSIPJennifer Lawrence has been promoting Red Sparrow, her decidedly more mainstream follow-up to mother!, for the entire month of February, often outdoors. And if this photo gallery is any indication, she has turned down every offer for a coat

UPROXXThere will be a woman occupying the Oval Office before there’s a new Tool album, and anybody who tries to tell you different is Axl Rose

LINKS! Mister Rogers turns 50, Adam Rippon’s sexy times, Apple’s magic glass…

VOXMister Rogers’ Neighborhood turned 50 on Monday. Here are nine times Mister Rogers knew exactly what to say. Bonus points for getting Joan Rivers to break during a 1983 Tonight Show episode

JEZEBELBronze-medal winning skater Adam Rippon changed his mind and decided not to accept a gig doing color commentary for NBC for the rest of the Olympics, possibly because the second week is when all the really serious Olympic Village sex goes down

THE BLEMISHEvidently Apple’s brand-new $5 billion super high-tech headquarters includes glass doors so super new and high-tech that Apple employees routinely walk into them and get injured. No one seems to have concluded that Apple’s HQ is really the world’s first fully functioning Holodeck, so, you read it here first

CELEBITCHYAmerica’s current president seemed to be mad at an awful lot of different things this weekend, most notably — and least explicably — Oprah

VERY SMART BROTHASOn a related note, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Donald Trump

LAINEY GOSSIPAlso related: Beyonce and Blue Ivy were the most photographed couple at the NBA All-Star Game this weekend. Blue reprised her bit from the Grammys where she got to look cool while mom held her snacks, *and* she got two different mascot rides. Blue is Oprah-in-training

DLISTEDBlack Panther opened this weekend. Apparently it’s very good! People are excited to see it! And contrary to what you may have heard / seen on Twitter, no, random groups of black moviegoers are not attacking white moviegoers as they head into the theater

REALITY TEALala Kent swears the now-infamous pasta argument between herself and James Kennedy really was about pasta and not actually cocaine. She may be telling the truth, but the next time you watch Vanderpump Rules and there’s a huge screaming match replace the subject of the screaming match with “pasta” and see how long you can go without giggling

UPROXXJoel McHale is returning to late night snark on The Joel McHale Show with Joel McHale, coming soon to a Netflix near you. If you miss The Soup or wish you could have more sarcastic laughs at the end of the day, your wish has been granted

Stormy Daniels is ready to spill the tea (among other fluids)

Former adult actress Stormy Daniels, who claimed an affair with Donald Trump and then backed off the story when it appeared she may have violated an NDA, has now retracted her retraction in light of the news that Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen paid Daniels $130,000 of his own money for her silence. But there’s more: Daniels also claims she still has the dress she wore during her brief fling with Trump, and is having it tested for his DNA in order to prove their affair.

LINKS! Danny Masterson rape claims, Florida high school shooting, Mayor wants sex for speedbumps…

THE BLEMISHDanny Masterson’s lawyers tried to get The Blemish to take down a story stating that Masterson has been accused of raping unconscious women and that the Church of Scientology allegedly helped cover it up. Which is true: though he hasn’t been charged, he’s been *accused*, and the LA Times has reported on the church’s involvement in the allegations. Anyway, what the site did instead of taking the story down was smart and you should give them your clicks

VERY SMART BROTHAS17 students were shot to death at Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida yesterday. It was the 18th school shooting in America in 2018, which was 45 days old at the time. We all may have forgotten this over the past few years, but schools aren’t supposed to be a venue for shootings and insecurity and panic

CELEBITCHY “Donald Trump doesn’t think school shootings are a national tragedy”

JEZEBELIt’s the links post Sunshine Trifecta: A woman in Lantana, Florida is accusing the mayor of offering to get her the neighborhood speed bumps she asked for in exchange for sex. Not that you shouldn’t be outraged, but this can’t be the first time this has happened in Florida

REALITY TEACountess Luann rejected the prosecution’s plea deal and now faces five years in prison for her Christmas Eve shenanigans. In case you’ve forgotten, those include allegedly “resisting an officer with violence” (a felony) along with trespassing and disorderly intoxication (both misdemeanors). No matter how unbearable your holiday may have been, Luann had it worse

DLISTEDThe Smashing Pumpkins aren’t going to reunite with all four original members in 2018 for the same reason they didn’t do it in 2007: Billy Corgan is a doofus

VOXIn case you missed its debut last night because you had something else to do on Valentine’s Day, here’s the first trailer for The Incredibles 2. The first one was maybe the most fun Hollywood movie of this century so far, so hopefully the sequel can at least graze that impossibly high bar with its fingertips

UPROXXGeorge R.R. Martin probably just told the world (in the most oblique fashion possible) that the next Game of Thrones book won’t be out this year. Not that anyone has been able to pressure more words out of him, but wouldn’t it make more sense marketing-wise for the book to come out when the final season of the TV show airs next year anyway?

LAINEY GOSSIPRobert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart may be dating again. Or it’s a conspiracy theory, which these days makes it as good as true