Fifty Cent

PHOTOS 50 Cent performs at V.I.P. Room Paris – Gold ingots, booze and hos… Zzzzzzzzz

Rapper Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson was in Paris Friday bringin’ some real deal urban USA to the V.I.P. Club in France.

Sadly, the life of a celebrity blogger doesn’t allow for a lavish lifestyle that includes being able to go into places like the V.I.P. Club, so my imagination always runs wild when I try to picture what it’s like inside those doors. Now I know that it’s just like I imagined – there are gold bars embedded in the wall, hot women in black and white cat suits and obscenely well-endowed female groupies in every flavor imaginable! (There’s even strawberry if you look close enough!)

But apparently 50 Cent doesn’t share my fascination. He looks like he’s at a high school science fair. I guess that’s the epitome of cool, though. It’s like old sports announcers that complain every time a player celebrates after a score, “They act like they never scored before.” So, no touchdown dance for 50 Cent, who has obviously scored before.

PHOTO What Val Kilmer would look like if he ate Val Kilmer

When I was scrolling through the American Music Awards red carpet photos I saw this one and thought to myself, “That’s nice. Chastity Bono was at the American Music Awards.” Wrong! That thar is Val Kilmer! That’s right, the once svelte poor man’s Brad Pitt is frighteningly close to becoming the masculine equivalent of Kirstie Alley. Oh, and he was with Fifty Cent because they’re working on a movie togther.