Daily Starbuzz

LINKS! Jim Carrey’s Huckabee portrait, Aubrey O’Day’s song for DJT, Affleck’s back tat…

DLISTEDJim Carrey pissed off 46% of Twitter by sharing the above portrait, which he drew and which is allegedly (definitely) of Sarah Huckabee Sanders. If his Hollywood career actually does suffer as a result, at least Carrey can look forward to life as a Venice Beach caricaturist

JEZEBELBack in 2013, in the aftermath of what we now know was an affair with Donald Trump Jr., Aubrey O’Day wrote a song called “DJT.” Nobody thought much of it at the time. Now, lyrics like “You have to tell me you love me / I don’t ‘cause you’re a f*cking pain in my ass” have taken on a whole new meaning

CELEBITCHYBen Affleck was lying when he said he didn’t have a giant back tattoo of a phoenix, because here’s a bunch of photos of him at the beach with a giant back tattoo of a phoenix. It looks pretty good! But it would look better on almost anyone other than Ben Affleck

REALITY TEAKim Zolciak thinks the rest of the Real Housewives all met up before the reunion to strategize how they would gang up on her. After reading this article I’m inclined to agree, if only because it would probably be fun

THE BLEMISHInstead of driverless Ubers, can we have a future dominated by high-speed trains instead? They would still do the job of helping you not have to pay attention to the road while you traveled, and the views would be much prettier. Plus, no driveless Uber pedestrian killings

VOXSo it turns out that regardless of what Robert Mueller uncovers, it’s possible that his findings will never be made public. Though you have to assume, given the volume of leaks associated with this administration, that at least some sizable portion will make its way to the press

VERY SMART BROTHASHere’s a helpful reminder for all people — but especially celebrities, who are mostly people — that if you go public with a private mess, that mess is now an open topic of conversation

UPROXXThe Weinstein Company is the middle of filing for bankruptcy. One of the things it has to do in order to file is nullify all existing non-disclosure agreements. Expect to hear even more sexual misconduct stories about Harvey Weinstein and Weinstein-adjacent execs in the coming weeks

LINKS! United killed another dog, Tillerson really fired via tweet, Double armed teacher fail…

DLISTEDUnited Airlines killed ANOTHER dog after forcing its owner to store it in the overhead bin on a flight. This despite the owner following United’s rules for stowing a pet in a carry-on under the seat in front of her. Normally I never use all caps for emphasis, but I feel an exception is warranted in the case of United Airlines astonishing lack of common sense and outstanding success at killing its customers’ dogs

CELEBITCHYYes, former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson really did find out he was fired via Donald Trump’s tweet firing him. Tillerson’s people also went on-record to confirm that Trump never called Tillerson about the firing, either before or after the Tweet

THE BLEMISHThis week, two teachers have accidentally fired guns during in-class safety demonstrations. The second of those two is a reserve police officer whose shot hit the ceiling and injured a student via falling debris. On a related note, that student’s father is no longer in favor of arming teachers

JEZEBELIs it because they were all super-rich people accountable to no one before they became Cabinet members? That could be the reason

REALITY TEASomeone stole Brielle Biermann’s purse out of her car and went on a $30,000 spending spree at Bloomingdale’s and Neiman Marcus. No word on whether she and Kim Zolciak will go through the purchases once the thief is caught

VERY SMART BROTHASHot take: “We Need a New Category for Today’s Rap Music Because This Shit Ain’t Hip-Hop”

LAINEY GOSSIPThe first trailer for Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald is here, and it seems to be going over well. One possible reason: Very little Johnny Depp

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPFormer All That stars Kenan Thompson, Kel Mitchell, Josh Server and Lori Beth Denberg did a mini-reunion during a recent appearance on Wild ‘N Out, which is set to air soon. Also, Nick Cannon, who was on the show for 20 episodes back in the day, introduced the four of them and got the crowd to sing the theme song, which will now be stuck in my head all day

LINKS! OJ confessed, Colin Firth’s wife gets messy, Betsy DeVos is inept…

THE BLEMISHOJ Simpson managed to keep his story straight for 24 years. That is, until he got carried away with a hypothetical discussion of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman’s murders during a TV interview, and then pretty much OJ confessed to killing both of them. As anyone who’s ever taught a freshman lit class will tell you, unreliable narrators can be tricky

CELEBITCHYSpeaking of interviews doing their subjects no favors: This story about Colin Firth’s wife Livia having an affair with Italian and future stalker Marco Branaccia is as messy (and bananas) as it was unexpected. And Marco, who has “a history of threatening behavior towards ex-lovers,” isn’t doing himself many favors with this very high-profile interview

JEZEBELToday’s trifeca of high-profile interview fails is complete: I’m all for giving billionaires with no experience a chance to do their new jobs before castigating them endlessly, but Betsy DeVos is so inept she makes Ben Carson look good. For proof, suffer through her 60 Minutes chat with Lesley Stah

VOXThe creators of Stranger Things have been accused of verbally abusing women on the set of the show. Netflix’s 48-hour investigation found nothing. So we’ll probably never hear about this again

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPContestants Ashley Iaconetti and Kevin Wendt have split just a few months after “taking home the gold” The Bachelor: Winter Games. If you extend the Winter Olympics metaphor far enough, does this actually make them a Russian couple disqualified for doping?

DLISTEDBrad Pitt is going to spend the next year completely unavailable for boning (except in your increasingly vivid dreams). He’s also apparently going to spend the next year getting cut. These two decisions do not seem compatible

REALITY TEAAviva “Leg Toss” Drescher says she would go back to The Real Housewives of New York “if they needed somebody” and “if [she] worked in the mix.” Commence eyepatch jokes

LAINEY GOSSIPIt would appear that Amber Heard and Sean Penn are now an item

VERY SMART BROTHASI don’t know why we don’t tip fast food workers either. But I do know that Mr. Pink would like a word

LINKS! Bachelor finale reactions, Russian meddling receipts, Stormy Daniels lawsuit…

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPSo the Bachelor finale was kind of a WTF thing this year! Here’s a rundown of Bachelor finale reactions, including what Arie’s exes and the rest of the Bachelor Nation — like Sean Lowe, who suggested Arie for the show in the first place — had to say about it

VOXNow there’s a high-end Russian escort who’s claiming that she knows Russia meddled in the 2016 US presidential election because she surreptitiously recorded several Russian oligarchs talking about it for 16 hours while traveling with one such oligarch on his yacht. And she’s already released one recording to prove she’s for real. Because what this election saga really needed was Jennifer Egan’s story “Black Box” come to life

JEZEBELStormy Daniels is suing Donald Trump over their $130,000 hush money agreement because he apparently never signed the damn thing. Trump apparently never signed it so that later he could say there was “no binding agreement in place.” Which is halfway clever, but also why would this be the time that Trump was concerned with being technically honest instead of just straight-up lying?

DLISTEDCynthia Nixon is apparently going to make an honest-to-god run for the governor’s mansion in New York. “You know, Cynthia Nixon is perfect for the world of politics. She’s used to dealing with petty and catty bitches in overpriced shoes.”

CELEBITCHYBrad Pitt flirted with Tiffany Haddish on an elevator before the Academy Awards and they more or less made plans to date / bang in a year’s time. Also, Tiffany Haddish is 38 years old, which honestly comes as a surprise. She seems younger

THE BLEMISHUFC is hyping 24-year-old Mackenzie Dern as the next Rhonda Rousey. Her next big fight is Saturday night, she’s got only five fights to her name so far, and her Instagram feed doubles as a bikini photo gallery

LAINEY GOSSIPJared Leto, who already kind of looks like Jesus if Jesus were sad, went full Bee Gees with his getup for the 2018 Oscars

UPROXXNickelodeon has put in a 20-episode order for a Blue’s Clues reboot and is going to start filming this summer. I got irrationally excited about this news until I remembered that my toddler is perfectly happy to watch the same one episode over and over again on DVD

LINKS! Sam Nunberg went a little crazy, Frances McDormand’s Oscar thief, Oscar fashion rundown…

VOXFormer Trump aide Sam Nunberg went a little crazy yesterday, doing a series of increasingly defiant TV interviews in which he said he was actively refusing to comply with a subpoena from the special counsel’s office. Daring Robert Mueller to come and arrest you doesn’t seem like the best legal strategy in the world

THE BLEMISHThe guy who stole Frances McDormand’s Oscar filmed a short video of himself with it and uploaded it to YouTube, then walked around with the statue at an afterparty and told people he had won it for “music.” If you’re an aspiring talent agent and want to book this man for your Z-list, his bail is $20,000

JEZEBELIf Oscars fashion and afterparty talk are your thing, here’s a super fun and thorough rundown of both. Of special note: Megan Mullally’s flying eagle dress; Rashida Jones’ elegant garden gown; Bleona Qereti’s boob-heavy display; and Mary J. Blige’s near-perfect mirror of an Oscar statuette if it were made of butterflies

CELEBITCHYKobe Bryant and Gary Oldman both won Oscars this year. Kobe Bryant allegedly raped a teenager in 2003, and Gary Oldman is allegedly a serial domestic abuser. In fairness, then, this year’s otherwise diverse and often fun show can only be called the alleged wokest in the 90-year history of the Oscars

REALITY TEAFormer RHOC star and current St. Louis citizen Meghan Edmonds returned to Southern California to pose for some baby bump-tastic bikini and yoga pose shots. And as further proof of how the reality TV life will drain a person, Meghan looks much happier these days even if she does have to live in Missouri

LAINEY GOSSIPAt this point, saying out loud that you’re not an especially big fan of Tiffany Haddish’s shtick means you’re risking side eye at a minimum and physical harm at worst

UPROXXKevin Hart went on Conan last night and explained why he made a drunken run onto the field after the Super Bowl. Basically, it boils down to “I wanted to hold the trophy” and “I was drunk,” but in Kevin Hart’s hands those two phrases become an entertaining tale

DLISTEDA British Ticketmaster spilled the tea on Beyonce and Jay-Z’s summer tour. Judging by the leaked date, they’re going to play stadiums, which makes sense given their incredible popularity but is also kind of a bummer for the simple fact that stadium shows leave most fans sitting too far away to have a really great experience

LINKS! Ryan Seacrest sexual harassment claims, Love & Hip Hop White House, Duggar babies by the numbers…

CELEBITCHYIt’s tough to read the full article on the Ryan Seacrest sexual harassment claims and not come away thinking that Seacrest was “a powerful boss who felt entitled to an employee’s body.” Seacrest denied the claims, his alleged victim made a counter-statement to his denial, and E! really wishes this was all happening literally any other time than the week Seacrest is still scheduled to host their Academy Awards Red Carpet show

VERY SMART BROTHASThis is the best comparison possible for the Trump administration, which really *is* Love & Hip Hop for terrible white (and / or crazy) people. If I had even minimal video editing skills I would be cutting a supertrailer based on this premise right now

VOXAnd speaking of the reality TV White House, the Mueller investigation is now apparently investigating the president’s continued abuse of Jeff Sessions, who the president also apparently refers to as Mr. Magoo in private. In other news, there is too much dysfunction in the reality TV White House for the Mueller investigation to ever actually end

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPHere’s a “Duggar Babies By The Numbers” post to tell you probably everything there is to know about this ever-growing family. Hats off to Ashley for doing this much investigation into the Duggar way of procreation; I couldn’t make it any farther than “Since 2014, there has been at least one pregnant Duggar at all times”

JEZEBEL“Woman Allegedly Poisoned Her Doppelgänger With Cheesecake in Order to Steal Her Identity”

REALITY TEAFormer Dance Moms star Abby Lee Miller was denied her early release from prison because of either a mix-up in paperwork or a prison budget crisis (it honestly isn’t clear which) or because her “prison consultant and coach” has no idea what she is talking about

THE BLEMISHA YouTube “biohacker” named Ben Greenfield would like you to believe that he made his penis bigger by injecting it with stem cells. Just wait for the swelling to go down

UPROXXAn evil genius erected a life-sized statue of Jason Voorhees at the bottom of a lake at a summer camp in Minnesota. Next step: getting the current generation of summer camp-goers to watch Friday the 13th

LAINEY GOSSIPEveryone’s talking about Barbara Streisand cloning her two dogs. And, to be fair, is the craziest detail to emerge from her new Variety interview. But it’s not the most significant part of the interview — that would be the part where she talks about having to suffer through “the boys’ club” and a mutiny of her (male) crew on the set of movies when she was already an established director but Nick Nolte had a diva moment

DLISTEDAfter teasing the possibility for a few days, the reunited Spice Girls now appear to have confirmed that, no, they aren’t going to be performing at the royal wedding. Just like how they teased the possibility of a reunion tour before nixing that idea. But they are still reunited, right? Are we all going to turn around soon and find out the Spice Girls weren’t walking right behind us after all?

LINKS! The Bachelor’s herpes problem, Vanderpump Rules tape delay, Donald Glover an assassin…

JEZEBELHere’s a fun pop quiz: According to the author of a new behind-the-scenes book, the number one reason potential contestants are turned down for both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette is 1) Prior commitment; 2) Unexpected lion mauling; 3) Indigestion; or 4) Herpes. Choose carefully

REALITY TEAThis whole awkward post-breakup friendship tour between Scheana Marie and Rob Valletta just underscores one of the weirder things about reality TV culture: every show’s episodes are several months behind the well-documented actual drama unfolding on social media and gossip blogs

THE BLEMISHDonald Glover’s response to Chevy Chase’s racism and petty jealousy while the two were on Community together is some of the most beautifully passive high-road shade you’ll ever see thrown. It’s like an assassin who knows his target is waiting for a bullet choking him with a macadamia nut instead. (Side note: The Community episode where Pierce tries to become the star of Annie’s play was totally based on Chevy Chase’s real-life behavior)

VOX“Of course Ivanka Trump believes her dad’s accusers. She just doesn’t care”

LAINEY GOSSIPThe marketing for A Wrinkle In Time is using Chris Pine the same way Orange Is The New Black used Piper in the first couple of seasons, which is both savvy and fun. Also, here he is looking good and dropping worthwhile life-affirming quotes at the premiere

DLISTEDAmy Schumer’s wedding vows to her surprise new husband basically read like a deleted scene from Trainwreck — which was great, no shade — including a promise to “keep going down on you, even though everyone tells me I won’t.”

CELEBITCHYJennifer Lawrence’s cover feature in the latest Vanity Fair is getting plenty of attention for her comments on Democrats and Trump, but I can’t stop imagining what it’s like to be the interviewer for whom Jennifer Lawrence cooks a chicken dinner in the doubtless amazing kitchen of her surely stunning southern California mansion. High-profile journalists must have to go through dazzle training at some point

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPJinger Duggar dared to wear a short-ish skirt *and* a sleeveless shirt at the same time

VERY SMART BROTHASHere’s an interesting thing to think about for five minutes: What’s the biggest national chain store that you’ve never been in? And why haven’t you been? (I’ve never been in a Safeway, simply because they’re almost non-existent in the eastern US)

UPROXXWhy is Charles Barkley hosting SNL next month? I know he’s done it several times before, and also is often unintentionally hilarious. Still, I’m pretty sure upon hearing the news Jack Donaghy stared out his office window and lamented the missed opportunity for better vertically integrated corporate synergy

LINKS! Another strange Trump statement, Kirstie Alley vs. curling, Olympic sabotage…

CELEBITCHYDonald Trump is now claiming “Obama never used the Oval”? What is that even supposed to mean? The surface-level meaning is that Obama literally never worked in the Oval Office, which is untrue. And the deeper implication — that Obama never put the trappings of the presidency to work for him — is also inaccurate

DLISTEDKirstie Alley decided that the middle of the Winter Olympics was the right time to go on Twitter and trash curling. Am I the only one who finds curling weirdly awesome? Every four years I tune in like a madman during the Olympics (though as soon as the Olympics are done I forget all about it until the next one)

THE BLEMISHAnd speaking of the Olympics, it really does seem like a bad idea to use your hands to try and trip a speed skater as she whizzes by your falling body on her razor shoes

JEZEBELMarco Rubio went on CNN last night to take the NRA’s side in a gun control town hall meeting featuring parents of some of the students killed in the Parkland school shooting. It did not go well for him

UPROXXI was already a little interested in the Han Solo spinoff movie after finding out it’s partially influenced by The Big Lebowski, but this Solo trailer re-cut to “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys has me giddier than it probably should

VOXThe short version of the keto diet is it’s great if you want to treat epilepsy or want to trick yourself into believing ice cream is great for breakfast

REALITY TEARHONJ’s Teresa Giudice is going on Hollywood Medium next season work through her grief over her dead mother and ignore her legal issues for a full hour

THE ASHLEY’S REALITY ROUNDUPIf you’re a cast member for a show on Bravo, and you get an STD from another one of the network’s reality TV stars, your contract forbids you from suing the network. Cue the Vanderpump Rules cast facepalm

LAINEY GOSSIPTiffany Haddish, who is already everywhere right now, is about to get even more everywhere-er: She just signed a deal with Netflix to star in an animated show created by one of the people responsible for BoJack Horseman

VERY SMART BROTHASDrake’s video for “God’s Plan” — you know, the one where he gives away the video’s $1 million budget to various people around Miami — is ultimately a good deed version of what Red Fang did with “Wires,” and good on him for making it