If the first look at The Unauthorized Full House Story is any indication, it will be awful

Full House Reboot

Lifetime has done pretty well with the casting for most of their biopics. Kelli Garner was certainly passable in The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe; Yaya DaCosta was a near dead-ringer for Whitney Houston; and even the guy who played Screech in The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell story was decent.

The same really can’t be said for any cast members in the upcoming Unauthorized Full House Story. Take a look…

Unauthorized Full House Story Cast

Because it’s kind of hard to tell unless you’re standing 30 ft. back from the screen, here’s who is playing whom in that picture: Justin Gaston is John Stamos. Garrett Brawith is Bob Saget. Justin Mader is Dave Coulier. Dakota Guppy is Jodie Sweetin (that one is actually pretty good). Shelby Armstrong is Candace Cameron. Blaise and Kinslea Todd are the toddler versions of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.

The movie, due out in August, will chronicle Full House‘s “start as an unassuming family comedy in 1987 to its eventual wildly popular 192-episode run.” In today’s press release, Lifetime said it will focus on the pressures the cast members faced while starring on “one of America’s most beloved family sitcoms.” Although it doesn’t sound like it’s supposed to be a comedy, the actual Dave Coulier reacted to the cast photo by calling it hilarious.

 

The Unauthorized Full House Story premieres on Lifetime on Aug. 22.


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