In an interview with People magazine, singer Seal reveals some intimate secrets about his relationship with supermodel wife Heidi Klum, including the fact that “she packs for me with beautiful notes in my luggage that I discover.” We have to admit to being mildly curious about the contents of these “beautiful notes,” but we imagine they are a just a variety of Heidi-isms that range from cute: “Auf Wiedersehen,” to a little racy: “Seal, one second you’re…”
But, the question that really had us scratching our heads is what possible reason could there be for Seal to be traveling anywhere? We did some research and found out Seal is promoting a brand new compilation CD! It’s actually a historical event because it is the first greatest hits CD that is also a CD single!
Seal isn’t the only one sharing intimate details about the couple’s relationship. Heidi recently fawned over her husband of three years in InStyle magazine, describing their weekly “date night” and a number of other reasons they have more love than the folks that “wake up in the morning and turn over when they see their mate.” From what we can tell, she never addresses the obvious question most guys want to know the answer to, but she does come close with this out-of-context quote, “Sometimes I lie in bed and I’m like, ‘Oh my god, there’s Seal lying next to me. What’s he doing there?’” What is he doing there? Seal?!?
Subscribe to Starcasm by Email
Tim Robbins Gets Snubbed At The Polls
T-Rob gets so irate when his name isn’t on the register he refuses to fill out a provisional ballot and a poll worker threatens to call the police. (A TMZ video camera caught up with him immediately afterward)
http://www.tmz.com/2008/11/04/tim-robbins-couldnt-vote-cops-called/
Heidi Klum Angers Hindus With Costume
The world will never know peace if America’s German super models can’t refrain from dressing up as Hindu goddesses for Halloween. (Aside from the offensiveness, the goddess Kali costume kicked ass!)
http://in.news.yahoo.com/139/20081104/906/ten-heidi-klum-faces-flak-from-hindus-fo.html
“Flight Of The Conchords” Dude A Father
Actor Jemaine Clement and wife Miranda Manasiadis gave birth to a baby boy last month and increased his chances of becoming president by naming him Sophocles Iraia Manasiadis Clement. We’re wondering if Clement performed “Prettiest Baby In The Room” at the birth.
http://www.dlisted.com/node/29115
Ha Ha! Nelson From The Simpsons In Trouble
The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network is upset that Nelson Muntz said “that’s so gay” in reference to Milhouse’s activities in The Simpsons annual Treehouse of Horror episode. Complaining about the political correctness of what Nelson says?!? That’s so gay!
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b67129_doh_simpsons_under_fire_gay_crack.html
Carrie Underwood Voices Opinion About Voicing Opinion
Props to Carrie for doing her part to make it illegal for Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Lindsay Lohan to talk politics.
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20237811,00.html
Subscribe to Starcasm by Email
One day you’re in, and the next day you’re out selling video games in your skivvies. Heidi Klum is the latest celebrity to strip down and act out the famous Tom Cruise scene from Risky Business in a commercial for the video game Guitar Hero: World Tour. (The other commercial in the ad campaign features the all-star trio of Kobe Bryant, Michael Phelps and A-Rod plus some other guy) Something tells me a still very attractive supermodel dancing around in bra and panties will appeal to the pre-teen boys that play Guitar Hero more than four prancing whitey tightied male Nintendosexuals showing off their Wiis. We’ve actually contacted Heidi in hopes that she will star in a commercial for our new video game where the objective is to steal an immensely popular show right out from under the network that owns it:
(Just in case you don’t get it, just click here)
Subscribe to Starcasm by Email
Congress is voting today on a $700 billion dollar bailout package in a desperate attempt to stabilize a flailing economy. The senate is expected to vote as early as Wednesday.
Starcasm.net political correspondents are frantically trying to get some quotes for you, but until they do, here is our best guess as to what people will say:
“I will take a look at this bill and decide if it’s what’s right for the American people. My opponent has a history of hating the American people. He’s not smart about stuff. I was right about Iraq!”
–JohnMcCain
“I will take a look at this bill and decide if it’s what’s right for the American people. My opponent has a history of hating the American people. He’s not smart about stuff. I was right about Iraq!”
– Barack Obama
“I just pray for all those little dollars and pray they go where God needs them most. John McCain and I have talked about this and it’s an idea.”
– Sarah Palin
“I just pray for all those little dollars and pray they go where God needs them most. John McCain and I have talked about this and it’s an idea.”
– Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on “Saturday Night Live”
“Finally, some government charity going where it will actually do some good!”
– Anonymous Prominent Republican
“I’ve looked at this package – heheh, ‘package’ – and I think it’s a big ol’ package – heheh.”
– George W. Bush
“Please help me! I’m on a small island in the central Pacific! Can anybody hear me?!?”
– Amelia Earhart
“Why are we giving all this money to a bunch of nappy headed CEOs?”
– Don Imus
Them cats need to bailizzle on the shizzle pizzle, damn!”
– Snoop Dogg
“Boobs.”
– Heidi Klum
Stay tuned for more news on the economic future of our nation and updates on the escapades of Amy Winehouse right here on starcasm.net!
*****UPDATE 09/29/08 - The House has rejected the proposed bailout and Wall Street is plunging. At the time of this update the DOW is down over 750 points and the NASDAQ is down nearly 200. It’s hard to be sarcastic about that.
Subscribe to Starcasm by Email
Bravo’s hit reality show “Project Runway” was jumping ship to Lifetime for their sixth cycle, but Bravo parent NBC Universal has been granted a preliminary injunction that has temporarily held up the transition.
The legal bugaboo is whether or not The Weinstein Co., which owns “Project Runway,” should have given NBC the right of first refusal, which is in the contract.
If the lack of sarcasm in this story wasn’t indication enough, be sure to check out the cover story in next week’s People magazine, in which starcasm.net officially outs itself as a fan of “Project Runway.” Tim, Michael and Nina have a straightforward sarcastic style that is nothing short of “aesthetically pleasing.”
That being said, what is up with Kenley?!? She’s more defensive than Bill Clinton at an impeachment. How did she not get kicked off for that hip hop outfit? The only thing hip hop about it was the fact that the waist was higher than Snoop Dogg! There is a huge difference between hip hop and sock hop and that white as a lily silly rock-a-billy filly didn’t even come close to bridging the gap!
Poor Suede. He didn’t realize there is only one way to make a skinny flamboyantly gay black man look like rock and roll and it’s called “Little Richard.” (He used to be skinny)
Kudos to Jerell, who shoulda won. He made us realize that the true magic of pop fashion is to make an annoying, whiney, immature human somehow look sexy, and that’s exactly what he did with Kenley. Amazing!
Subscribe to Starcasm by Email
