Daily Starbuzz

LINKS! Meghan Markle’s poop hat, Trump’s crazy 2017, Hamilton on P0rnHub…

DLISTEDIf you’re driving 60 pounds of marijuana across the country and get stopped in Nebraska for a minor traffic offense, telling the cop that the drugs are Christmas presents won’t stop him from confiscating them (or you from getting arrested)

REALITY TEASpeaking of huge, unexpected Christmas gifts, Kandi Burruss’ charity donated 300 presents to six families in need this year

CELEBITCHYIn the “Huge, Yet Totally Expected Gifts” category, Dutchess Kate dropped around $160,000 on clothing for herself over the past year — a surprising amount of it at Old Navy

JEZEBELAnd speaking of the huge and unexpected, here’s a photo of the four-story hot pink dong this Swedish artist just finished painting on the side of a New York City apartment building

THE BLEMISHHere’s one for the anti-dong crowd: The video “revolutionary boys get dirty on american politics part 1” that somebody uploaded to P0rnHub is actually the first act of Hamilton (they should have titled it “History Has Its Thighs ‘Round You”)

VOXHow many of these “nine bizarre things” Donald Trump did in 2017 had *you* forgotten about?

VERY SMART BROTHAS“10 Struggles That Only Men With Big-Ass Beards Will Understand” (#8 will blow your mind)

THE SUPERFICIALIs Meghan Markle wearing a poop emoji hat? And it is weird that I think she’s pulling it off?

UPROXXIf you’re reading this post while stranded on a ride at Disneyland due to the power outage, here’s hoping you’ve at least got an amazing view

LINKS! Christmas Boobs of Instagram, Leo’s new GF, Mindy Kaling gives birth…

DLISTEDMindy Kaling gave birth to her first child and both mother and daughter are healthy, congrats!

REALITY TEABrielle Biermann tweeted that Kim Zolciak is pregnant because Kim shared a video of Brielle’s boobs on Snapchat

CELEBITCHYIt took 48 hours for Taylor Swift’s app to be overrun by “Trump-loving trolls and homophobic comments”

JEZEBELHot take alert: “The Real Housewives are bad now”

THE BLEMISHBy contrast, the number of Christmas boobs overrunning Instagram bring only holiday cheer

VOXOne day after passing a hugely unpopular and grossly unfair tax bill, it’s entirely possible that Congress is about to fumble its way into a government shutdown

VERY SMART BROTHAS“Playing the National Anthem Before Sporting Events Is a Stupid and Silly Tradition and We Need To Stop Doing It”

THE SUPERFICIAL43-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio’s new girlfriend Camila Morrone is a 20-year-old model, so his now-decades long streak of dating models under the age of 25 is still going strong

UPROXXCardi B went on Jimmy Fallon last night and made an interview about engagement rings and lotion use one of his most entertaining moments all year

LINKS! Salma Hayek’s Harvey Weinstein story, Washington Redhawks hoax, Omarosa fired…

DLISTEDSalma Hayek says that, in addition to all the sexual harassment, Harvey Weinstein also threatened to kill her — which puts her Weinstein story high in the running for worst worldwide

REALITY TEADanielle Staub of RHONJ claims Caroline Manzo’s huge extended family harassed her own family so thoroughly after the table flipping incident that she had to move out of town

CELEBITCHYA few years back George Clooney gave 14 of his closest friends $1 million each (in briefcases, like a proper heist movie), and also paid their taxes for the year. This is all very well and good, but my biggest takeaway is that George Clooney has a hell of a lot of best friends

JEZEBELDo not read this story about Kentucky Representative Dan Johnson’s personal life and recent suicide if you don’t want your breakfast coming back up

THE BLEMISHThanks to burns like “Not fit to clean the toilets in the Barack Obama Presidential Library,” USA Today takes over the title of “Harshest Anti-Trump Editorial”

VOXBefore John Kelly fired her and the Secret Service dragged her from the White House, Omarosa apparently tried to save her job by declaring that she was responsible for “delivering the black vote” — all 8% of it — to Trump in the 2016 presidential election

VERY SMART BROTHASThis is a clever way to package a “Most Overrated Albums of 2017” article

THE SUPERFICIALKirsten Dunst is pregnant with her first child by Jesse Plemons, congrats!

UPROXXNo, the Washington football team did not change its name to “Redhawks,” but in a job well done a group of Native American activists managed to fool the internet into believing it yesterday

LINKS! Doug Jones wins, Word of the Year 2017, Last Jedi reviews…

DLISTEDAnthony Bourdain feels “guilty” about the Mario Batali exposé because he’s been “sitting on stories that were not [his] to tell”

REALITY TEAA year after the stalking charges against her ex-husband, RHONY’s Bethenny Frankel is suing Jason Hoppy for full custody of their seven-year-old daughter

CELEBITCHYOh hey, Roy Moore lost the Alabama special election to senator-elect Doug Jones, who is the first Democrat to win one of the state’s senate seats since 1992

JEZEBELOr, as this headline so succinctly put it, “Holy Sh!t Doug Jones Won”

THE BLEMISHNow that Matt Lauer is gone, Today has become a morning show ratings powerhouse

VOXMerriam-Webster’s Word of the Year for 2017 is “Feminism”; let the hot takes commence

VERY SMART BROTHASHere is a very good reason to consider no longer watching the National Football League

THE SUPERFICIALAnd here’s Tania Marie being a bad lifeguard in a red string bikini

UPROXXIf you’re not bothered by a few potential spoilers about The Last Jedi, peruse this lengthy (and positive) review

LINKS! The Rock’s new pebble, Williams-Sonona Christmas Catalog Hater’s Guide, ‘Cat Person’ explained…

DLISTED – Selena Gomez is *this* close to letting Justin Bieber back in the sack

REALITY TEA – Shannon Beador is pretty sure David is lying about his assets and has hired an expert-slash-private-investigator to check him out

CELEBITCHY – Donald Trump’s tweets about Senator Kirsten Gillibrand are just well-seasoned pine logs on an already roaring sexual harassment bonfire

JEZEBEL – The Hater’s Guide to the 2017 Williams-Sonoma Christmas Catalog is here!

THE BLEMISH – “The latest breakthrough in p0rn technology was brought to us by an anonymous Redditor going by the handle deepfakes. He used machine-learning algorithms to create an AI that replaces porn stars’ faces with celebrities to make fake celebrity sex tapes.”

VOX – If you’ve heard a lot about this “Cat Person” story but aren’t sure what all the hubhub is about, here’s an explainer

VERY SMART BROTHAS – And here’s a hot take on Christmas parties based around ugly Christmas sweaters (spoiler: they are turds)

THE SUPERFICIAL Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (also known as America’s next president) and his longtime girlfriend Lauren Hashian are having another baby

UPROXX – Michael Che and Colin Jost are now co-head writers of Saturday Night Live

LINKS! Tupac Shakur dick pic, Jessica Chastain’s cleavage, John Travolta exposed?…

DLISTEDIf you have an idle $7,500 sitting around your house and no immediate plans to spend it, you might consider purchasing this genuine 1990 Tupac Shakur dick pic (though, seriously: Isn’t $7,500 a little low?)

REALITY TEAYup, Kim Zolciak is still coming for Kenya Moore

CELEBITCHYIt’s possible that John Travolta’s forthcoming movie Gotti was pulled ten days before its release because the production company changed distributors; it’s also possible that Travolta’s long, ugly history of allegedly assaulting male masseuses and service industry workers is about to be exposed

JEZEBELR. Kelly’s former gofer went full Grinch on the man’s two Atlanta-area houses while Kelly was out of town performing

THE BLEMISHDonald Trump Jr. is a butthole bleacher

VOXHere’s a helpful primer on how to impeach the president of the United States, for no particular reason

VERY SMART BROTHASAnd here’s a list of The 10 Best Christmas Soul Songs to brighten your day (The Jackson 5’s rendition of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” –- which is, objectively, the definitive rendition of that song –- only clocks in at #8, to give you an idea of the caliber)

THE SUPERFICIALJessica Chastain wore a very low-cut dress to the Molly’s Game premiere

UPROXXNFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, whose main attribute seems to be inspiring universal dislike for himself, just signed a new contract worth $200 million

LINKS! Danny Masterson rape accusations, Selena Gomez’s Instagram private, Jurassic World parody trailer…

DLISTEDSelena Gomez’s Instagram feed went private for a minute and her 130 million fans freaked out

REALITY TEAAndy Cohen would really like it if Stassi Schroeder and Shep Rose did it on the rug at his feet

CELEBITCHYJimmy Kimmel’s infant son–whose open heart surgery prompted his teary monologue on health care a couple months back–underwent a second (successful!) surgery

JEZEBELGood news, everyone: People who eat “a little bit of cheese every day” are less likely to develop heart disease than people who rarely or never eat cheese

THE BLEMISHDanny Masterson has been fired from The Ranch after four women accused him of rape (though he’ll still appear in the episodes he’s already filmed)

VOXGuess which US President has four of the most popular tweets of 2017?

VERY SMART BROTHAS“10 Things That Do Not Belong On Pizza” (Note that this highly scientific list is unranked)

THE SUPERFICIALThe South Korean bodybuilder trying to buy boyfriend status from Lindsay Lohan has the kind of arms you see in photos attached to clickbait headlines about how to “GET HUGE IN 2 WEEKS WITH NO SIDE EFFECTS”

UPROXXHere’s an official Jurassic World parody trailer–starring Chris Pratt and everything!–that Universal released ahead of tonight’s actual official premiere trailer (which, ICYMI, will air during Thursday Night Football)

LINKS! Matt Lauer’s sex abuse, Victoria’s Secret N-bomb, Serena Williams’ corporate wedding…

DLISTEDAmong the more disturbing Matt Lauer sexual harassment allegations: He could lock his office door without getting up via a secret button in his desk

REALITY TEAKenya Moore doesn’t understand why Kim Zolciak is so mean to her

CELEBITCHYIt was totally within Serena Williams’ rights to line up corporate endorsements for her wedding, wedding reception, and honeymoon…but it’s also (a little more than) “slightly tacky”

JEZEBELIs it OK for a bunch of not-black Victoria’s Secret models to drop an N-bomb while singing “Bodak Yellow” backstage at this year’s Fashion Show?

THE BLEMISHSir Elton John is going to make eight figures thanks to Beyonce’s vocals when the new Lion King soundtrack comes out

VOX“The Senate tax bill is really a health care bill with major implications for more than 100 million Americans who rely on the federal government for their health insurance.”

VERY SMART BROTHASThe world would be a quieter place if small talk were eliminated forever, which is reason enough to stop making it

THE SUPERFICIALAvengers: Infinity War and the Kevin Spacey-free version of All the Money in the World both released their trailers yesterday, so here you go. (Also, side note: how many hot dogs can *you* eat in one minute?)

UPROXXThe Twitter employee who shut down Donald Trump’s account for 11 minutes has come forward