Hot Topic poster boy Criss Angel and playmate Holly Madison have parted ways, ending what seemed like a fairy tale chick’n'douche romance. My favorite rodent couple had been dating for about four months before deciding to ruin a perfectly good drawing 
(Click here to see the idyllic couple before the split)
A source close to the couple tells E! “It was a conflict of schedules. She felt she couldn’t devote 100 percent of her time in Vegas and his career at the expense of her career and her goals.” That’s weird. If your “career” is cashing in on having appeared nude in Playboy and slept with Hugh Hefner, Las Vegas seems as good a place as any to further it.
Criss “Douchedini” Angel’s career is unaffected, as he continues making audiences magically disappear with his Cirque de Soleil stinker “Believe.”
I’ve never really played matchmaker before, but how can I resist with these two sad little fur balls? So, here is a recently abandoned mammal rebound for each of you:
Awwwwwwwwwwww!
(Sorry Amy. You know I don’t wish that on you!)
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David Letterman needs to get a haircut and buy a new suit because Paris Hilton is single again! Rumors started swirling after Heiress Hilton was seen out partying with ex-boyfriend Stavros Niarchos, and a source has confirmed to Star that the couple split up back on the 17th, stating “Paris was fed up with Benji always telling her what to do and bossing her around.”
The source also reports that Benji doesn’t drink and didn’t think Paris should either (how can you date Paris Hilton for nine months and not be party trained?!?) and says Benji begged for a second chance, but the little puppy from Good Charlotte didn’t get a treat. Bad Charlotte! Bad Charlotte!
It has been a fun time watching the antics of Paris Hilton without concern for our sons, brothers, uncles, fathers, nephews or grandfathers, but it is time to lock the doors and shutter those windows, because the tornadho warning sirens are wailing! And trust us, this Oz is even scarier than the one on HBO!
So what’s next for Paris? Our best guess is that the bad economy will force Walt Disney to open an adult theme park and one of the main attractions will be our favorite air headed celebutant as a ride called Spacey Mountin’. (There will be no restrictions on this ride, unlike the Amy Funhouse, which has a breathalyzer at the door with a sign posted “Must Be This High To Enter.”)
A moment of silence for Good Charlotte, who most likely won’t be able to survive falling off the map. (See: Winona Ryder)
