LINKS! Dane Cook’s very young girlfriend, America’s mystery illness, Beyonce’s return…

CELEBITCHYSomehow, the pics of 45-year-old Dane Cook kissing his 19-year-old girlfriend are way less disturbing than the candids with the two of them posing side-by-side. Being able to see both of their faces makes them look like a father and daughter enjoying one last family vacation before she goes off to college

JEZEBELIf you’ve been feeling especially miserable, depressed, run-down, ragged, or helpless for the past year and change, it turns out you’re not alone. According to a massive new Gallup poll, a mysterious, nameless sickness has been ailing a majority of Americans since late 2016

LAINEY GOSSIPWe’re now less than two months from Beyonce’s return to the stage at Coachella. So Beyonce has that much time to drop some surprise album / single / tour announcement, and the rest of us have an unofficial deadline for figuring out who the unnamed actress is that Tiffany Haddish says hit on Jay-Z at a party and almost got Beyonce to throw hands

REALITY TEAPeggy Sulahian won’t be back for more Real Housewives of Orange County sleepwalking next season. Fan reaction appears to be a mix of high-pitched joy shrieks and shrugs

UPROXXTo celebrate the one-year anniversary of its release (and as part of its overall Oscar campaign), Get Out is coming back to theaters for free on President’s Day. The catch: it’s only going to play at, like, 100 theaters

VOXHere’s a breakdown of how much Winter Olympic athletes have to eat every day. Cross-country skiiers are the most otherworldly, at between 4,000 and 7,000 calories. And ski jumpers are the most mortal, with a pitiful 1,300 to 2,500. Also, apparently teenage snowboarders are just like regular teenagers in that they can subsist on a diet of ice cream and churros and still function. Except, in this case, “function” means “Win a gold medal”

THE BLEMISHAlso, contrary to what you may have heard, the Winter Olympics are not being held at P.F. Chang’s

DLISTEDThose of you still hoping against hope for a third Sex In The City movie are in luck: Cynthia Nixon is still in Kim Cattrall’s good graces. Though, in her favor, Cynthia apparently called Kim to express her condolences for Kim’s dead brother, and a phone call is

Outdaughtered Season 4 update from the Busbys: Growing pains make unexpected trouble

The latest Outdaughtered Season 4 update sees the Busby family dealing with some unexpected controversy as filming of new episodes continues. Adam recently came under fire for his decision to allow eldest daughter Blake to wear lipstick to a dance, and he and Danielle find themselves more strapped for time than ever with the opening of their own gym.

PHOTOS Joanna Gaines baby bump revealed in candid new pics

Now that Joanna Gaines has entered her second trimester, the Fixer Upper star has begun to reveal a bit more about her pregnancy, even as Joanna takes more control over how and when that information gets covered. She revealed the first official Joanna Gaines baby bump photos this week — though you might have a hard time finding them.

Now that she’s given birth, the Kylie Jenner plastic surgery rumors have begun

Kylie Jenner made her triumphant return to the land of selfies this week, and her Instagram feed is awash with comments from people who refuse to believe that she didn’t have a little post-pregnancy nip and tuck before sharing the shots. This has, naturally, led to all kinds of new commentary on Kylie’s mom bod.

LINKS! Meghan Markle’s golden ticket, Obama portrait drama, YouTube suspends douche…

CELEBITCHYIn fairytale wedding news, Prince Henry and Meghan Markle’s forthcoming nuptuals will include, but not be limited to: a horse-carriage ride through the streets of Windsor; a vow exchange at St. George’s Chapel helmed by the Archbishop of Canterbury; and literal golden tickets to the reception. Veruca Salt still wants two

VERY SMART BROTHASThe Obamas’ official portraits went public today. People have thoughts on them! The growing consensus is that Michelle got the better look, continuing her unbroken streak of winning every public head-to-head against Barack

THE BLEMISHYouTube suspended Logan Paul not because he is an insufferable douchebag, but because he gets YouTube consistent bad press (because he is an insufferable douchebag). Reddit banned FakeApp for the same reason. Basically, every “content creator” is still at the mercy of his platform, because those platforms are more corporation than outlet for free speech

CELEBUZZAnd speaking of YouTube, Shay Mitchell from Pretty Little Liars promised her assistant she’d go streaking around LA if she ever got three million subscribers. She hit the milestone last week, promptly dropped trou, and hit the bricks, leaving her assistant running to catch up. Shay Mitchell is raising the bar for content creators everywhere

UPROXXIn more social media news, Instagram will now notify you if someone takes a screenshot of your story; they’ll also tell you who took the screenshot (assuming the person is logged in). But it will only work for stories, not regular posts. And there’s already a loophole

DLISTEDSlow your roll, everyone who was excited by last week’s news that the Spice Girls were reuniting for a world tour: Posh “Victoria” Spice now says that the tour isn’t happening, though the group will get back together for…something

REALITY TEAIf you have dated Kristen Doute, you have had your phone ransacked by Kristen Doute. Also, if you are Lisa Vanderpump, Kristen Doute has stolen cutlery from your restaurant (and so has every other employee)

VOXAmerican figure skater Mirai Nagasu’s triple axel at the Olympics was somewhat overshadowed by the American commentators’ over-the-top reaction to it, but still really cool and impressive and worthy of all the superlatives it’s been getting. Here’s a tidy explainer on why the axel is such an elusive and tricky jump. Bonus: The article includes an official scoresheet, which is super helpful if you’re like me and haven’t been able to figure out why some skaters’ scores — like, say, Adam Rippon’s — aren’t as high as their performances would appear to merit

JEZEBELIn other skating news: Ice dancing is ballroom dancing combined with barely-legal-in-public dry humping, so tune in if you haven’t been

LAINEY GOSSIP20-year-old Camila Cabello’s new boyfriend is a 30-year-old dating expert named Matthew Hussey. Matthew, who coaches woman, uses the professional mantra “Get The Guy,” which is passive-aggressive enough to remind me of the bit in Trainwreck where Amy Schumer is arguing with Bill Hader and she chides him for saying he likes going down on her. Anyway, here’s a photo of Camila and Matthew looking happy and cuddling on a Mexican beach