Watching David Hasselhoff’s “I can has cheezburger” video made me realize that there are some celebrity livers out there that deserve more than the occasional funny photo and video posted online – these super-organs’ heroic abilities need to be immortalized. So, I decided to start what I’m sure will be a recurring feature here on starcasm – The Alcohall of Fame.
I will retroactively enshrine The Hoff for his ground-breaking pre-meditated video performance, officially making him the first inductee into these hallowed halls. The second honoree is the dishonorable Tara Reid, whose drunken ways continued in Cannes this weekend:
(To see some more Tarable photos from Cannes, check out DListed)
In lieu of an induction speech, I offer these Tara Reid quips:
Tara Reid is such an alcoholic…
she calls little bottles of Jack Daniels “lunchables.”
her nickname is Sancho Panza because she spends so much time on her ass.
she’s getting her own sitcom called Winefeld.
Sandra Bullock will play her in the upcoming biopic 28,888 Days.
a vampire was arrested for biting her because he was under 21.
she has her own perfume called Crown Royal Whisky.
she issues statements to the press by printing them on her panties.
she has three faucets in her kitchen: hot, cold and vodka.
her tramp stamp is a warning from the Surgeon General.
Let’s all take a moment to reminisce about the lushious moments Tara has been kind enough to share with all of us. Here are a few snapshots I’m sure will bring a tear to your eye…
As a special bonus I offer a couple video gems that would have probably made it into the Alcohall of Fame had it just opened its doors a few days earlier. The first is the lovely Janice Dickinson gracefully acting out an enraged drunken street ballet in what amounts to a textbook example of the perfect public celebrity drunkenness clip. There’s plenty of profanity, everyone including the celebrity is having a good time, there’s SERIOUS potential for upskirt or nip slip, there’s a moment when the celebrity is almost behind the wheel, there’s a paparazzo chase and most importantly – no one is harmed during the filming of this clip. All aspiring D-List celebrities should be required to watch this very experienced professional at work.
Next is John Mayer and his lipstick jungle dance outside a bar in Los Angeles Saturday night. My potential for complete joy at J-May doing the wahdouchey was ruined thanks to the pity party being thrown by a pathetic smoking woman who thinks she’s Jennifer Grey. What could be more embarrassing than doing the wahdouchey? Being completely ignored by someone who just did the wahdouchey. Please folks, leave the idiocy to the professionals.
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