Tom Cruise Retiring From Movie Acting?

Jan, 23, 2009 | AUTHOR: Starcasm Staff; | Related : Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, Valkyrie

Tom Cruise and wife Katie Holmes are touring the globe in search of a country that likes Tom’s latest movie Valkyrie. The two have attended premieres in Korea, Germany and the UK and are already making plans for the upcoming debut in India. (Check out the E! Valkyrie World Tour gallery)

Sadly, it seems that Cruise’s performance hasn’t translated well in any language, and the poor reviews continue to pour in. Franz von Stauffenberg, a relative of Count Claus von Stauffenberg (the main character in Valkyrie), tells a German newspaper that Tom was “terribly cautious, almost as if he were afraid of playing the role.” The professional German critics were even worse, including Berlin’s Der Tagesspiegel’s harsh words, “The uniform is correct, the truth is suffering.”

Top Gun Tom Cruise takes a shot at Hitler in Valkyrie

I think this is a clear indication that Tom Cruise should take a step back from film-making for a while. Perhaps he could concentrate on spreading the gospel of Scientology instead by starring in the television series CSIentology.

Tom Cruise in CSIentology

And wife Katie can do her part as well with a voice-over role as Smurfette in the upcoming Scientology-for-kids animated feature Battlefield Smurf.

Scientologist Katie Holmes as Smurfette in Battlefield Smurf

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http://usinghumor.com Dan Brantley

Thisis great stuff.
Why not visit humorbloggers dot com and apply to join. I think you would fit in well. Tell ‘em Dan Brantley at Using Humor sent you.
I stumbled this one for you.
http://www.passionategreen.blogspot.com/ PassionateGreen

Oh how I wish that douchebag would retire, for crying out loud, I don’t ever need to see him jump on a couch again. Or yell at poor, adorable Matt Lauer. Or maybe he should get his own tv show, at least that way I can TURN HIM OFF!
http://www.justbloggled.com Staci

I love the CSIentology sketch. I could actually see Tom Cruise doing that “sunglasses on, sunglasses off” thing that Horatio Cane does. He’d just have to dig through his dresser drawer and find his sunglasses from Top Gun.
Jabroney

I was with you until PassionGreen’s comment – Matt Lauer is as big of a douchebag as Cruise
http://www.tomcruisefanzone.com/ Cruise

Tom Cruise one of the finest performances and respested role and his cunning negoiation for his salary was his role in the LAST SAMERI. His work ethic impressed the sternest of Japanese stunt actors and Sword masters they actually applauded him for his work ethic and his excellence in his work. Saying all that Tom is a excellent actor. Once he marry Katie Holmes and his Scientology ways came to light on and over her life and now the chikldren life.With all the special cleannning diets and all the restrctions being put on Katie and the kids Its come to light how utterly crazy he is. Katie holmes was one of the sweetest people always with a good word and a smile on her face. I haven’t seen that smile in years and she looks clincally depressed most of the time.I no dr. but something is very wrong. Her parents are worried and her old freinds that are still allowed to see her are mortified at the changes. Cruise as good as he is at acting I would pay a cent to see anything he is apart of,he even telling Katie what she can and can’t do as far as roles. He has in essence enslaved her for his own pleasure, if she is asked she most of the time will tell everyone she and Tom are fine but in scret that’s not the line. Katie is scared not so much for her self but with Tom’s money,Laywers and connections if she gets out of line she loses her chilren. She wouldnt stand a chance and she knows it and so does everyone else. He has the power to do what ever he wants.