In a recent interview with Britain’s Glamour magazine, Paris Hilton states, “I’ve only done it with a couple of people. People make up stories, but mostly I just kiss.”

If you’re like me, that statement caused you to spit your coffee all over your computer screen! I immediately started to put together a companion publication to Duh! Magazine called Bassackwards Monthly. (Which would have also featured the John Mayer quote, “Pete Wentz defends Ashlee with grace and respect“) But, before the first issue could go to press, one of starcasm’s famously diligent investigative reporters discovered some very revealing evidence while sifting through Miss Hilton’s trash. (Isn’t it amazing how many things our diligent investigators find sifting through celebrity rubbish? I hope they don’t realize they could start their own franchise of network television shows based on their trash can investigations. How many millions would watch TCI: Los Angeles?!? Shhh!)

Anyway, our investigators found something from Paris’ childhood that must have lost its sentimental value or else was thrown away by the infamous bedroom burglar as he was leaving. It’s a set of flash cards. But, these aren’t your normal set of flash cards! Mom and pop must have picked these up during a trip to Asia or at the 99 cents store because they are completely erroneous! (and possibly covered in lead) Certainly Paris wasn’t telling the truth in her statements to Glamour, but that doesn’t mean she was lying – its possible she was just miseducated, which explains a number of her other misconceptions as well. Here are some examples of the flash cards we found:

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

There were some cards we couldn’t show you that also relate to Paris’ statements to Glamour. In addition to the “mostly I just kiss” quote above, she says, “I think it’s important to play hard to get.” The flash cards for “kiss” and “hard to get” are just plain unsuitable for a site with the journalistic integrity of ours! (We’re currently trying to sell them. Perez, you reading this?)

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