“Pete Wentz = Douche Bag” Frustrates Pete Wentz – But Not Us!

Ashlee Simpson Pete Wentz and Bronx Mowgli Wentz

In a recent interview for Blender magazine, Fall Out Boy bassist (and husband of Ashlee Simpson) Pete Wentz cries a river of vinegar and water over his online reputation as the douchiest of the douche bags.

I was letting the blogs get to me. It’s semi-frustrating when your name actually becomes a synonym for douche bag.

No question Pete looks the part: decked out head to toe in Hot Topics gear; his arms, neck and navel all have the appropriate generic goth tattoos; and on his head is the most ridiculously lame hairdo on the planet that is best described as a windswept Addam’s Family facial combover. But, it is P Wenty’s douchetastic actions that have separated him from the competition, especially since his marriage to Ashlee Simpson.

Granted, the pre-Ashlee stunt of pulling his pants down and taking pictures of his “fall out boy” with a cell phone and then having them “accidentally” turn up on the internet is a grade-A douchebag maneuver, but getting married and becoming a father has amplified his repulsive fratboy rocker actions and elevated him to douche superstar level. The FTW (for the win) moment that cemented Pete’s place in the Douchebag Hall of Fame (Somewhere in New Jersey) was a recent appearance on Howard Stern’s radio show. (Douchebag alert! There’s about a 90% chance that if you’re male and you’re appearing on The Howard Stern Show and you’re not a freak of some kind, then you’re a douchebag.) During the interview, Pete describes his sex life with wife Ashlee in great detail, including the first time they hooked up:

We were in the Soho Grand Hotel, and there was a mirror, and I was like, ‘Oh my God, you’re banging the girl of your dreams and you’re watching it right now.‘”

Beautiful, romantic stuff. We won’t further woo the ladies with details of what Ashlee’s breast milk tastes like or how many years ago Pete would have considered a threesome with his wife and her sister Jessica because we have bigger fish to fry! (Actually, the same fish, but fried bigger!)

Bronx Mowgli Wentz suffers from having a douche as a daddy

Running a snarky celebrity blog is partly predatory in nature, and Pete Wentz blubbering because the internet thinks his name is synonymous with douchebag is blood in the water to us! So, this great white snark is going in for the kill! We’re certain that constantly reading the words “Pete Wentz is a douchebag” can get a little boring, so we thought we might liven up Pete’s internet experience a bit with some creative ways of illustrating the synonymity:

Pete Wentz Halloween Kit Douchebag Crossing sign in front of the Pete Wentz estate

(But wait! There’s more on PAGE TWO!)

  • I agree with Spencer, calling Pete Wentz a douchebag is offensive to douchebags everywhere!

  • Yeah, at least Spencer is a cute douchebag..where Pete doesn’t even act like a man.

  • Bex

    Spencer is the one person in the world who is a bigger douche that Pete.

  • I hate that douchesicle. What a waste of space. I do believe I’ll be asking him to become a contributor to my Ask a Douche Bag column.

  • John R.

    He’s an articulate douchebag, too. He’s “semi-frustrated?”

  • Tara

    wow, that was LAME. Pete Wentz is awesome.

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  • shayllayn

    not that this article even deserves a comment, but i’ll write one anyway.
    whoever has the time to write this whole article and draw all those cartoons about someone they’ve never met, needs to get a life. if you hate him that much don’t waste your time hating him.

    hahaa but really it doesn’t matter what you think…he’s rich and famous and you’re not.

  • Ma:D:Dy

    what the hell was that about? seriously, if you hate him so much dont waste your time trying to get in his life- YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HIM!!! you mothertruckers need to get a life.
    by the way pete isnt even a douchebag he plays for one of the best bands known to mankind and is also wicked hot with a great personality so back the f*** off!

    • Hendrix

      HAHAHA!?!?! Best band on Earth? When you graduate from middle school you might realize (if not, then at least when you get out of your parents house) that he is a product, not an artist. He probably doesn’t even know a major scale from a minor scale for Christ’s sake. What’s worse is that YOU are the one giving him all this money. Your parents money of course, because no one but a bunch of little girls are willing to spend money on this *expletive-deleted*. Seriously though it’s true. When you are all grown up he will no longer have a carreer, thus realizing he sucked all along, and probably kill himself.

  • The Last Dignified Teen Female

    “Leave them alone! You don’t know them! Get a life!” Seem to be the coined phrases used by the screaming tween masses. It’s like a mantra for the brainwashed subservient 14 year olds of America.

    It also happens to be the go-to warcry when someone has no evidence to support their claim that the supposed ‘victim’ of ‘mean ol’ bloggers!’ isn’t, in fact, a piece of crap re-branded as a good-looking frontman/woman for a band.

    In other words,

    QQ, little girls.

    Maybe if you’re lucky Pete Wentz will read this, know you defended him and come sweep you off your feet, then maybe you’ll later discover he’s secretly a vampire and you’ll be his bottom b!tch!

    Isn’t it just a girl’s dream come true?!

  • hal

    their music is good, but Pete is an idiot, thats about that. if you’re reading this, Pete, stop and think what a mooron you are and start doing something about it