Michael Jackson was spotted out in public last night in yet another uber-creepy get up designed to hide his over-surgerized face. Wow! He actually has a butt crack on his chin! And he has Picasso eyes – but not in a good way! There are lots of nicknames we could think of for Jacko in this photo (The Loon Ranger, Kimono Dragon, Fedora the Explorer, Butt Chindiana Jones, Geisha Zorro, General Tsao’s chicken) but none are as good as Orko. (Remember the little floating wizard thing from He-Man?)
MJ’s latest costume got us thinking about potential superhero and supervillain characters for the former King of Pop. After subtracting The Loon Ranger and Butt Chindiana Jones, here are the top ten starcasm suggestions:
10. Catalogjam – Villainous mastermind that bought up the rights to all good music, which he withholds until his foes die of Jonasphyxiation. Nemesis: Illegal file sharing
9. Say Say Sabretooth – Mutant that possesses feline superhuman physical abilities, including cat-like dance moves and the cheetah-esque speed to outrun lawsuits.
8. Neverlando Calrissian – Ruler of a cloud city that includes monkeys, giraffes, and lots of children. Once gave up hand soloing, which almost got him into trouble a couple of times, but he was never convicted.
7. The Jacko Lantern – Lost his head in the early eighties and now rides around California in various masks looking for children, his sanity and his nose.
6. Billie Jean Grey – Original member of the Ex-Men, a group of super-heroes that were all men at one point. The other original members were RuPaul (Thighclops), Criss Angel, Vanilla Iceman and Bea Arthur (Beast).
5. Perverticus – Member of an oppressed class of people that preferred things “outside of the norm.” He is a legend among his people, but details of his adventures are sketchy at best
4. The Flash (aka Baredevil) – Wears an overcoat and exposes his blindingly white skin to stun foes.
3. Moonwalker Texas Power Ranger – Master of karate. Wears a yellow motorcycle helmet and matching jumpsuit. Has the ability to fly, but only 1/8″ off the ground and only when going backwards.
2. Molestus – A very, very, very bad super-villain able to inflict an immense amount of psychological damage.
1. Plastic Man
