On Thursday singer Fiona Apple entered into the Hudspeth County Texas Marijuana Bust Hall of Flame alongside such notable tokers as Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg when she was arrested after a drug sniffing dog (not Dogg mind you) caught wind of Apple’s tour bus and police found about four grams of marijuana and four grams of hashish in a backpack.
Apple spent the night in jail and was forced to reschedule her concert in Austin scheduled for that evening. She posted $10,000 bail Friday morning and was able to make her appearance at the Bayou Music Center in Houston where she kicked off the show by addressing her arrest. Here are two different video clips of her rant followed by a transcript of what she says:
“Hey! I’m just going to get this over with right away because of the whole arresting thing. I just have a couple things to say about it. First thing is, the guy who runs the jail, if I may do a review, the guy he’s a real decent guy. He’s a good guy. I want to apologize to him. I’m not going to say his name because I know that he’s not interested in fame or anything like that. He doesn’t want his — he takes pride in what he does, he is respected by his fellow workers. And I only met him yesterday morning and I’m apologizing to him for being, uh, attitudey? And for saying that I didn’t trust him, because I didn’t, but by the end of the day I did.
“Now, most of the people were very nice to me. There are four of you out there, and I want you to know, that I heard everything you did. I wrote it all down, with your names, and everything you did, and said, stupidly thinking that I couldn’t hear or see you.
“I then ripped the paper up, but not before I encoded it and put — I’ve got two lockboxes. We’ll call them holding cell one and holding cell two. In holding cell one is the encoded version of the sh!t that you did that I know is inappropriate, and probably illegal. In holding cell two is the decoder. I’m the only one that holds the key, and you and I will be intimate forever because I will hold that script forever!
“Unless of course — Unless of course the celebrity you had so much interest in but you wanted to accuse me of bringing up while you laughed at me all night — Unless you’re interested in being a celebrity, I’ll make you f***ing famous any time you ask, and I’ll open up those boxes. Until then, you stay in your f***ing holding cell!”
And speaking of staying in a holding cell, Fiona could be facing up to ten years behind bars! Hashish is marijuana, but in a more highly concentrated form, and Texas is one of a handful of states that treats it differently. Considering it a “resinous extractives of Cannabis,” Texas law considers possession of up to four grams (the approximate amount Fiona Apple was caught with) as a third-degree felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison, or no less than two, along with a fine of up to $10,000.
If there is more that four ounces, it is bumped up to a second-degree felony and the max jail time jumps up to 20 years!
I hope I don’t spark any outrage when I say I don’t really feel any safer when Fiona Apple, Willie Nelson, and/or Snoop Dogg are behind bars.