Move over Zagat and Michelin Guide, America’s got a new go-to food guru to help guide us through the confusing array of high-calorie food on the go. Meet Youtube reviewer Daym Drops, a big guy with a big appetite and a contagious, charismatic passion for the franchised culinary arts. Check out this clip of Daym reviewing a Five Guys and Fries double cheeseburger and fries straight from that most intimate of fast food dining room locations – the front seat of his car.
WARNING - May cause salivation and an impromptu trip to your local Five Guys and Fries restaurant – or the nearest equivalent.
“Look at the bag they give you your food in — let’s start there. There’s nothing on the bag whatsoever. Its a very plain bag filled with a couple grease stains letting you know how official and fattening the food is for ya baby! But then they give it to you in, like, half a ghetto grocery bag, man! Like, when is the last time you seen a ghetto grocery bag?! For some of us, that uh you know that 30-plus, last time we seen the ghetto grocery bag, we were compin’ these at Stop ‘n’ Shop and puttin’ them on our school books, you dig?”
(After a long, silent stretch that included chewing and sipping on his drink) “Do you want to know the difference between a weak burger and a burger that has strength? A weak burger you can chew and still talk. A burger with strength, you chew, the meat just absorbs all the space and all the air possible all in your throat, to the point that if you wanted to start talkin’, nothin’ but ‘Mmm mmmmph’ is comin’ out. Word!”
Daym needs to team up with 85-year-old Olive Garden reviewer Marilyn Hagerty and tour the country as part of a new series on Food Network. Hagery could teach Daym a little bit about “fine dining” while Daym could upen Marilyn’s eyes about the nuances of greasy greatness. It would be called Daym Mariln.
(Special thanks to Aziz Ansari for bring this clip to my attention.)