Millions of single ladies held their collective breaths last night as the folks at the “Matty P’s Radio Happy Hour” created their own mini-version of The Dating Game with Teen Mom star Gary Shirley.
The show announced last week that they would be running a contest in which eligible young ladies could win a cyber date with “America’s #1 Baby Daddy,” and the response was reportedly overwhelming! Producers and on air talent for the show narrowed the huge list of applicants from all over the globe down to three (plus bonus – more on that in a minute) single, attractive young women that seemed to be sincere in their desire to spend some quality time with the Gare Bear.
From the radio show’s site:
On 3/29/12, The Matty P Radio Happy Hour concluded its quest to find love for the star of the reality series “Teen Mom,” Gary Shirley. We asked on our social media sites for women who were interested in competing for cyber date with Gary, to submit a photo of themselves and the reasons why they wanted to win the cyber date. After a week long search and hundreds of email submissions, we narrowed the field down to three lucky ladies.
Here’s the audio of the entire competition, which lasts for about an hour:
Without a doubt, the highlight of the competition was the “Song for Gary” portion! All the contestants were asked to write a song for Gary and then they had to perform it live on air with Gary listening! Matty P even had a special guest judge for the singing competition, Tosh.0 star and Youtube sensation Eli Porter, aka “Edolla.” So, being the diligent journalist that I am, I’ve transcribed all the song lyrics for you below! But enough about how great I am, let’s find out how great these Gary lovin’ gals are! It’s Gary Time y’all!
“She’s a single mom who loves heavier men. She’s a nursing student and a cheerleader who brings her uses of flexibility into the bedroom. She likes it rough! In high school she was on the boys’ wrestling team. She is… Becca!”
Becca’s song to Gary (sung in a country style)
Hey Gary, I know you’re probably wary
’bout the girls you’re gonna hear tonight
All I know is you need a nice girl
who is always gonna treat you right
I can’t write and I can’t sing
but here’s what you should know about me
I’m the type of girl who likes a little chub
I always know how to keep everything fun
I used to ??? so I’m somewhat flexible
I like playing ??? on a long ass table
So if you don’t know exactly who to choose
know with me, you can’t lose
(Anybody else think Becca looks like a spitting image of 16 and Pregnant‘s Nikkole Paulun with brown hair? And I mean that in a very good way!) (Wait a minute… A cheerleader and a single mom who’s currently a student? Maybe this is Nikkole Paulun!)
Contestant number two. She goes to Ball State University. She has a heart made of bacon and was a gymnast who was ordered to go to anger management classes after socking her teammate in the nose. She once flew to Sweden for a booty call. She says that if she wins the cyber date, Gary has a 90% chance of seeing areola. She is… Ellie!
More facts about Ellie: She’s a feline enthusiast. She says that she has 34-DDs. (Lied about owning an “It’s Gary Time!” t-shirt though.)
Becca’s song to Gary (rap)
Yo, my name is Ellie
I like big bellies
When you play guitar
You got me ??? so bizarre
You say it ain’t Gary Time baby
It’s that time
This ain’t no nursery rhyme
All these bitties
ain’t got sh!t on my t!tties
Gary you should pick me
We could start our own family tree
Contestant number three is a tough girl from New York who calls herself “The B!tch In Charge.” She’s a performer who is currently starring in a production as a dominatrix. She enjoys strip clubs and may or may not like to smoke the ganja. Her name is… Laura!
* Laura was eliminated after leaving for a restroom break and not returning, so we didn’t get to hear her song.
It was at this point in the contest that it was revealed the field of three contestants would be expanded to four as “wildcard” contestant Dani jumped in to perform her Shirley ditty.
From Matty P: “We promised a wildcard, and her name is Danielle [actually Dani].” (She says later in the interview that she is a 36-DDD. I though that was pretty important.)
Dani’s song to Gary (sort of rappish, but actually just spoken word)
Gary it’s plain to see
That I’m for you and you’re for me
I think I’ll wear my cheerleading skirt
if you toss on that bunny shirt
I think that we’re an awesome pair
And if the other girls don’t think it’s fair
Honestly I don’t care
Gary it’s plain to see
when you’re with me, yes you’ll agree
that the perfect route to take
is I-70 and don’t be late
I’m not too far from where you are
Just take a drive out in your car
Yes it’s me, the girl of your dreams
We’ll drink some beers or ???
[I could swear she says “17” but that doesn’t make any sense]
So who took home the top prize? The winner was….
BECCA! How could she not win after working in the lyric, “I’m the type of girl who likes a little chub!” Congrats go out to Becca – we hope to hear how her cyber date with the Gare Bear went soon!
Thanks to the folks at the Matty P Happy Hour Show for having the contest and for getting us all the info, links, and photos! As always, if you cut and paste from this post for another article please link back!