Starcasm’s Top 5 Jersey Shore Posts Ever!

Tonight the cast of Jersey Shore makes their triumphant return to television and to Seaside Heights as Snooki, Pauly D, JWoww, The Situation, Vinny, Sammi, Ronnie, and Deena kick off the Season 5 Premiere of MTV’s smash hit reality series. Who would have ever thought that those tanned, drunk, half-naked, ridiculously nicknamed Guido and Guidettes gettin’ nasty in a hot tub would go on to become six five of the biggest celebrities on the planet?!?

Starcasm.net started not long before Jersey Shore debuted on MTV, so it was one of the first shows we covered from the very beginning. Thus, in honor of five seasons of contagious charismatic clubbing and GTL, I though I might compile Starcasm’s Top 5 Jersey Shore Posts Ever highlighting our lengthy and rather intimate (don’t worry – we used virus protection) relationship with the guys and gals of Joisey Shore!

5. ‘The Situation’ Myspace and high school yearbook photos

This was one of the very first posts we did on Jersey Shore. I still remember watching the show and hearing all those nicknames and wondering to myself, “Who are these people? Like, when they’re not drunk on the boardwalk or fist pumpin’ at the club?” I researched Michael Sorrentino first and discovered three separate MySpace accounts, one of which was before Mike had honed his moniker down and was going by the nickname “Serious Situation.” (I distinctly remember in the comments section of one of his older MySpace accounts that someone made mention of the fact that he used to go by “The Darkness” as well.)

It’s amazing now to see these photos of The Sitch “before the fame” and realize that, much like with the other stars of the show, it appears as though he didn’t change one iota for the small screen! (I got a big kick back in the day when The Situation’s official web site added the above photo as their background image and it had our little logo on it. LOL! How many millions of people out there have old MySpace accounts that they have no idea how to find, much less sign into any more?)

*** I also researched Miss Jenni “JWoww” Farley at the same time and we were the first celeb site to share her eye-popping bikini photos for Ignition Nation that not only featured a bada$$ custom motorcycle, but also a pistol! (Yes, that’s when my unhealthy attraction to her began)

This is the moment Jersey Shore crossed over from being a guilty pleasure we all kind of giggled about at the water cooler to a genuine, hipster-approved cultural phenomenon! Actor Michael Cera, cool for all the opposite reasons as those from the Seaside Heights beach house, allowed Pauly D to give him one of his patented “Blowout” hairstyles as part of a commercial to promote Cera’s new movie at the time, Youth In Revolt. In addition to the hilarious photos, there’s also a video of the Salvador Dali-esque “happening” in the original post. (Oh, and later Michael Cera hung out with the rest of the JS cast members in a rooftop hot tub party for the ages!)

Pop culture (and its bloggers) have a short-term memory, so it’s easy to forget that when it was announced that the cast would be filming in Florence, Italy it was HUGE news! But, it isn’t just the headline-grabbing nature of the original post that lands it at number 3 on our countdown, it’s the beyond absurd Photoshop alchemy that blends The Situation and Snooki with the centuries-old masterpieces of Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo! Snooki brings her infamous poof and sly smirk to the “Mona Lisa” and The Situation shows Michelangelo what real chiseled abs look like! (You’lll have to click the “Snooki Lisa” above to see The Situation as “David” – slightly censored of course.)

I still remember trying to explain to my mom what it is that a pop culture blogger does and my brother blurted out, “You should see his post where he made The Situation from Jersey Shore into that “David” sculpture.” My mom had a shocked look on her face. “No you didn’t. Not “David“?!? (That very same brother had pretty much exactly the same reaction a couple years later when I did a post about Miley Cyrus recording a song for Amnesty International’s Bob Dylan tribute CD and put Miley on the cover of Bob’s iconic Highway 61 Revisited album cover. We all have our sacred cows I suppose 🙂 )

Jersey Shore was launched into the spotlight because of innumerable controversies, but without question it was the jaw-dropping jaw-breaking Snooki punch featured in MTV’s commercials for the show that got them the most headlines and exposure early on. (Exposure amplified by the fact that sponsors like Domino’s Pizza were pulling their advertisements because of customer complaints.) The amazing thing is that the infamous “Snooki punch” wasn’t actually aired in an episode! By the time the episode came on, the commercial had caused such a ruckus that MTV cut out the punch scene! (For anyone out there interested in going into marketing, this here is brilliant study material!)

The guy who punched Snooki turned out to be Brad Ferro, a gym teacher from Queens who must have been shocked to find out his drunken antics would lead to an arrest and losing his job. (Forget Vegas, what happens in a Jersey bar is supposed to stay in a Jersey bar! Damned TV cameras!) You can click here to find out more about what happened to Ferro in the aftermath.

As far as the full Snooki punch video clip, you’ll have to click here to see that. But, if you’re link averse, you can settle for the animated gif above and this stunning recreation of the moment with pooches:

I have no idea what inspired me to mash up Jersey Shore and Star Wars (perhaps it was watching the show and thinking to myself, “Man, these people live in a galaxy far, far away.”) but the result was pure pop iconography gold! (Actually, looking over the cards, I remember exactly what the inspiration was. I won’t say too much because I don’t want to spoil the post, but it was the Number One card that was the genesis of all the rest – that’s all I’ll say)

This post was great too because it got spread up, down, and all around the internet, which was quite the ego boost for a fledgling blogger like myself. Of course, Angelina has since left the show (a damn shame given the high-profile George Lucas character she got to be mashed up with!) so I suppose I should look into doing an update with Deena Nicole Cortese. Hmmmm… How about Padmé Amideena?

I want to send out my heartfelt thanks and appreciation to MTV and the cast of Jersey Shore for providing a seemingly endless supply of entertaining subjects to write about. Say what you will about the show (haters gonna hate, right?) but I can say that I never sat down to do a post about Jersey Shore without a small smile on my face. That’s a rare commodity in entertainment and that’s why they’re all (deservedly) millionaires right now.

Top photo of Vinny: Mario & Luigi / WENN.com (from our Top 10 Jersey Shore Florence Photos post)