The formerly famous invisigoth rocker Marilyn Manson has maxed out yet another human being’s attention span. Actress/girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood becomes the 6,602,224,175th person to grow tired of Manson’s shock antics, breaking up with Marman and ending a relationship that started back in December of 2006.
The boredom may have been the biggest contributing factor in the make-up break up, but the straw that broke the camel’s back was Manson insisting that Evan’s slacker brother Ira move out of the guest house, a guest house owned by Evan. In our not-so-creative imagination we envision Ira to be a stereotypical jock big brother that constantly harangued Marilyn with well crafted barbs like: “Hey Pansy! After you finish your breast exam get me a beer!” or “Listen pretty boy, as long as you’re living under my sister’s roof you’ll do as I say. Now give me your ice cream.”
Marman finds himself single in an unfriendly market for his ilk. Women are only able to find one alterna-edgy black haired goth guy attractive at a time, and currently the title is held by Criss Angel. Without the possibility of a hot sugar momma, and since a new album would only bring in an estimated $137, rumors are already swirling that Manson may have to resort to desperate measures to prevent having to move into his sister’s guest house. May we suggest a movie deal? Here’s a high concept comedy guaranteed to be a HUGE success:
Under-shocked audiences in Russia and Bulgaria are already excited! There is no word when, or if, the movie will open in the US.
****UPDATE 11/09/08 – Evan responds to break up news.
****UPDATE 07/19/09 – Evan’s got a new man