NeNe Leakes is sent from heaven above to entertain us with her grace an loveliness. She is the brightest shining star on the cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim’s wig comes in second, but is still miles away from NeNe’s glory. It’s only fitting that she kick the season off with mimosas and her favorite girlfriend Dwight. Is he on salary at BRAVO yet? If not, he should be.

NeNe’s got a new house, and it is swank! She’s got a killer wine cellar, a disco light thing for the party room (which Dwight rightly called “dreadful”) and, most importantly, a theater room outfitted with plush, comfy seats. All it needed was a little Dwight, who NeNe invited over to take a look at the room he’ll be decorating for her.

“This is what I call decorating a house!” NeNe exclaims while Dwight gives her a sexy lap dance (fly unzipped and everything). This is, of course, after Dwight entertains her with his mesmerizing crawl, which she can’t get enough of. I love a crawl too, NeNe.

During the mimosa making, Dwight offered NeNe an educational lesson on the fine art of champagne opening, which was really a two-for-one because the same maneuvers demonstrated could be used in the bedroom as well.

Here’s the Dwight method of champagne opening. You must follow instructions exactly:

“Rotate, just ease it off and let it come naturally. Just put our hand on top of my hand and try it. Feel it, it’s coming. See, it’s perfect. Did you enjoy that?”

Yes, Dwight, I did. I could watch a whole episode with just the two of them – the humor and hi jinks just wouldn’t stop! It could be called BBB, for Beautiful Black B*tches. They could travel around from city to city calling lying skank b*tches as they see them and finding new and exciting ways to turn everyday conversation into sexual innuendos.

Unfortunately, the NeNe-Dwight party ended before it really started and suddenly we’re going to Kim Zolciak’s psychic Rose, who watched enough of last season to know there are some peeps stressing the girl out. I still had visions of Dwight crawling in my head, so it took a minute to adjust to seeing Kim’s Wig 2.0 and listening to a palm reader find new lines on her hands.

Apparently, since Big Poppa left her, Kim has grown some business lines, which she’ll use to start a Caucasian wig line. BTW, Kim wears a wig, in case you didn’t know and this season she’s out and PROUD. Kim also grew another child line on her hand, because Rose told her she’s supposed to have a baby boy to supplement her two girls.

Kim says she needs to get some pills, some to keep away babies, and some to keep away the crazies. Sounds responsible and rational, she’s starting the season off on a good foot.

Next we get to Sheree, who’s had some real deal stress in her life lately: her ex stopped paying the mortgage and her palace in Sandy Springs got foreclosed on. She had to move the kids to a more modest dwelling without upsetting them, all while trying to sort out her divorce mess. It’s sad that she had to deal with this trouble, but her personality has taken a turn for the better. Maybe this experience has helped her let out a bit of the hot hair that kept her hovering above reality, and she’s gained some clarity. Last year she was a lady with too much money who thought she could buy her way into being a fashion designer but ended with a bunch of samples (which looked like they were sewn by a three-legged golden retriever) and a fashion party with no clothes. Since then she’s probably had to learn to manage her finances better, and actually launched a real fashion line. She’s still trying to keep us from seeing her sweat, but she does seem to finally let us see a bit of the real her, the one who’s not hiding behind grandiose tales of nonsense and self flattery. And then there’s her dealings with the Worst Event Planner of All Time, Mr. Anthony Shorter, which again; although stressful to her, helped endear her to many of her critics.