Joaquin Phoenix Retires From Acting
“Walk the Line” has seemingly gone to Joaquin’s head, causing him to announce he is giving up acting to pursue his music career. No word yet if Reese Witherspoon also plans to retire, and marry Joaquin, and save him from his self-destructive ways, and give birth to Joaquin R. Phoenix, and…
http://perezhilton.com/2008-10-28-joaquin-phoenix-announces-his-retirement

PETA Gets All Starcastic On Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen
It’s too bad they’re wasting that talent on something as silly as animal rights instead of laying it on the line for journalistic integrity! That’s just PETAful!
http://dlisted.com/node/29001

MTV Launches Site With EVERY Video EVER!
We were excited, too, but when we looked for our favorite really bad obscure video (Bob Dylan’s “Tight Connection“) we had no luck. They also didn’t have the obscure, but not really bad, “Don’t Answer Me” by The Alan Parsons Project. Booooo! But, they do have a lot!
http://www.mtvmusic.com/

Kellie Pickler Not Eating Meat
No, she’s not a lesbian, just a vegetarian.
(We wanted to use the term “meat pickle” but we showed restraint)
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20236190,00.html

World’s Fattest Man Marries
Just in case the lonely folks out there weren’t lonely enough.
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20236243,00.html

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