Amy Wolfe Is In Love With An Amusement Park Ride…Seriously

Amy Wolf with her lover 1001 Nachts

32-year-old Amy Wolfe of New York State really loves the Knoebels thrill ride 1001 Nachts, and I don’t mean in a “that ride is really fun” kinda way, but in a “this is a condition with it’s own name” kinda way.

The condition is called objectum sexual (OS) and it was originally coined 30 years ago by Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, a Swedish woman “married” to the Berlin Wall. (You can track her “relationship” at www.berlinermauer.se) Over half of known OS sufferers have also been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, which means they have difficulties forming relationships with other people. (Are they sure it’s just half?)

Amy Wolfe is an Asperger sufferer and has had relationships with all sorts of inanimate objects like spaceship models, the World Trade Center, a church organ and a bannister railing. Amy, like most people with OS, is a polygamist. But, her main love is 1001 Nachts. Here is a disturbing paragraph from someone that filmed a documentary called Strange Love: Married To The Eiffel Tower about the disorder and included footage of Amy:

When we filmed her at Knoebels visiting 1001 Nacht, we witnessed Wolfe kissing, caressing and talking to the austere, crane-like machine, and I began to feel both uncomfortable and a little frightened. Wolfe truly believes the machine talks back to her. As I watched, I wondered not for the first time whether I was crossing the line from a documentary film-maker to a voyeur. Should I have left her alone? “No, no – show our love for the objects,” Wolfe insisted. “Give us our voice. People must understand we are not fetishists.” And so I stayed.

Yowza! In addition to Amy and Mrs. Berlin Wall, the documentary also includes La Tour Eiffel, who is of course married to the Eiffel Tower. Here is some disturbing footage from the documentary:

Sadly, Amy’s blissful relationship is about to come to a crashing halt when she sees these pictures of her lover and former/current Jon Gosselin squeeze Hailey Glassman from St. Tropez:

Hailey Glassman and 1001 Nachts in St. Tropez

I contacted a representative of former Miss California Carrie PreJean, but received no response as to whether or not the beauty queen thinks people married to salt shakers and what not should share the same rights as “straight” couples. (I’m anxious to hear back because after reading this article I’m beginning to think that my couch might be more to me than just really comfortable.) And if you’re like me, wondering if you might also be an OS sufferer, here is a quick checklist – just fill in the ellipses with “you might be an objectum sexual sufferer.”

1. If your issues of Popular Mechanics have centerfolds…

2. If you nag the bus when it’s a little late…

3. If you have an Eiffel Tower replica that uses batteries…

4. If you hire a private detective to follow your washing machine…

5. If you’re a fan of the Transformers movies because of the sexy scenes without Megan Fox…

6. If your dining room table is wearing panty hose…

7. If your last name is Fire Hydrant…

8. If your dreamboat is actually a boat…

9. If your health insurance plan covers flood damage…

10. If you call your La-Z-Boy instruction manual The Kama Sutra

 

After seeing these photos of Ms. Wolfe, I couldn’t help thinking Amy is actually Chastity Bono. Man, Cher thought she was disappointed before! Wait til she finds out about this! And speaking of Chastity, Amy might want to consider lesbianism herself because that Gypsy hanging out on the back of 1001 Nachts is MIGHTY FINE! (I included a zoomed in photo to make my point. Sexy and silent…I wonder if it’s single? )

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  • http://yogaforcynics.blogspot.com YogaforCynics

    I’ve had a long term, sometimes intense relationship with my hands…but, I guess maybe that’s different….

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  • LosersEverywhere

    You’re not funny. Cheap, predictable shots. Also, F you for making fun of Chaz Bono. Get a real writing career, lame brain.

  • MichaelZWilliamson

    Sicko. Merry go round horses are one thing, but this is depraved.

  • Skelly

    This is a real thing and you’re making fun of them for who they choose to be…. Simply because you don’t understand! Sure it might be weird… but that gives you no right to try to make a laughingstock of this.